Transcending Death

This was actually one of my favorite poems from the contest, and find it really interesting that you put it into the "love" category.

You have a very unique yet direct way with your words. You write out this really amazing poem, but it's so artistic it screams out the images. The idea of death in different ways are pieced throughout the poem, and the morbid line about worms growing in your throat is both a ridiculously creepy image but also a really effective line.. I think it's my favorite of the piece. You did a really incredible job, your whole club did, with the contest. You made the poems worthwhile, and had a really interesting approach!

Interesting read, I remember this from the contest and it interested me then too. The main thing I noticed was the change in tone as the poem developed: It was well done but I'm still not sure if I like it or not. Maybe I will have made up my mind by the end of this comment!

First off, I thought the opening line was excellent, for a few reasons. Firstly, it caught my attention and made me interested in the poem: it was simply put and so sounded honest and forthright, as though the poet was there next to me talking. It brings in a simile though too, which is original and not too forced: again its honest, informative and even humourous. Finally, the fact that it is very relatable makes it a good opening. I reckon almost everybody imagines their first kiss to be something different than what it ends up being. It's something we all go through and remember and so is interesting to read about and easy to relate to.

'Did my throat just grow worms?'
^^
This line also was effective: somewhat funny (without trying to be) and also informative: we know from this simple description that the kiss did not go well, and you did it without explicitly telling us so. Also, it has a distinct voice, and the reader can imagine the speaker (and themselves) trying to make sense of the kiss in the anti-climatic feeling in the direct aftermath. The question mark is excellent. The opening was probably my favourite part of the poem.

The next part goes into more detail, and while the language is descriptive and original, I think it lacked a certain impact that the first three lines contained. Although this is as much testament to the strength of these lines as to the relative weakness of the ones following, I couldn't help wondering was it necessary to go into such detail. We already know a lot about the kiss from the first three lines. Although it does paint a good picture of the person assimilating the experience and running it through in their head. Saying this, the actual descriptions are original and quite well-worded.

I wasn't expecting it to take such a dark turn: mentioning the words death and images of leftover flesh, bones, starving, predator, etc. After thinking more about it, I'm afraid to say I don't think it works as well as it could. I feel that the divide between lighthearted confusion and innocence in the first section contrasts almost too much with the darkness of the tone that follows that maybe there are two poems here hiding under one umbrella. It feels as if I was reading a totally different poem at the end than I was at the beginning. MAybe I'm being a little extreme here and failing to see the links in the poem, but I think it may have been more effective to turn it dark with one powerful and unexpected last line that leaves the reader guessing. I do think the last stanza is interesting on its own, 'allow me to explore death with open eyes' is quite powerful by itself and the whole last stanza is well-written. It just feels it belongs with a different poem, about a toxic or forbidden relationship rather than a first kiss, which is a lot more innocent.

As you probably guessed, I got into this poem and it really intrigued me, which is always a good thing! Overall I did see some very good descriptions and language use, and it was well worth the read :)

LMAO i'm sorry but i laughed through the poem!!! i swear this made my freaking day when depression comes i'll just read this poem!

I never imagined my first kiss to resemble
an eagle's beak darting through my lips.

Did my throat just grow worms?
^^^^ that part SERIOUSLY sounds like my "first kiss" for me lol XP good job girl! :) and keep making funny poems for me XP

Queen Ashlin

Hey girl! A job well done on this challenge I have to say!

"I never imagined my first kiss to resemble
an eagle's beak darting through my lips."

I could read from this one sentence so artistically written that your experience with your first kiss had been a desperate one from your lover. Which is further confirmed by your following sentence below.

"Did my throat just grow worms?"

At first thought, I was impressed upon that the kiss was filthy and unwanted since I am not one for worms haha. But after reading it again, it felt like there's a strong reliance thrusted upon you. Like a mother bird feeding its offspring, the kiss was more than that.

"We are tongue-tied in dirt, corners
of our mouths curling upwards like
the last feet of a sadistic mouse
slipping past its predator's
oral interior - walls
dense with downtrodden flowers
and animal skin - I can taste
all of death within you, our worlds
morphing into afterworlds,
where leftover flesh melts
into bones, and bones become one
with the soil beneath our thighs."

Okay so from here on, I really believed that the kiss was a grotesque one :x

"Deprived of your pressure, my skin
starts to crumble, so allow me to sweep
your desert with starving hands before the wind
kicks sand into our sights - allow me
to explore death with open eyes."

I get this overall impression of a kiss from death, kind of like a dementor's kiss. I know I might be totally wrong with my interpretation but I liked this poem in a dark way.