Comments : The Body

  • 11 years ago

    by Lemon

    The way you've written this with the punctuation is good because it creates a staccato effect and cuts the poem down to the bare bones, as I believe it can be called. However it does make the poem (to me, at least) fairly difficult to read. Maybe try limiting the number of short sentences you use? You also have a few rogue capital letters "Teeth Bared"- the b should be lowercase.

    "Reach more strongly into life for love than into death for fear.
    You can see it reflecting in the eyes; either outcome clear."- it took me a couple of times reading that to get it, but now that I do, I think it's great :). I like the repetition of ideas in this poem, as you do it quite subtly. The idea of fear, for example, as that would be the predominant emotion if being chased by... whatever the 'monster' is. Fear would conquer the emotions and therefore becomes quite an underlying theme in the poem.

    Good job! :)