Comments : Hearts, Spiders, and Heaven

  • 11 years ago

    by Hellon

    Very sad write. I have to say..fantastic use of metaphors throughout the entire piece. Before I read your footnote I had already decided this was about death just didn't realise such a young child had suffered such a loss. Beautiful tribute.

  • 11 years ago

    by AngelDust

    Another epic write. You get me every time. You are an amazing poetess! This was very sad but as said above, fantastic use of metaphors. It was hard enough to lose my mother as a teen so I can only imagine what it must be like for somebody so young. She's in my thoughts and heart.

    Danika.

  • 11 years ago

    by Skyler

    "Oh, how she cries" What a line. This is a very strong poem with genuine sadness behind it, be it yours or someone else's.

  • 11 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    I loved this in more ways than one. It's excellently worded with heart and sweet emotions.

  • 10 years ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    Despite her greatness,
    Heaven's got tiny hands.

    What an opening sentence. I loved the metaphor here and the usage of words, you really pulled me in right from the start. That is always the best way to start off a true masterpiece.

    Today she is dark.
    Dark with rage.
    Dark with sadness.
    Dark with confusion.

    Love the imagery here, very vivid. It is easy for the reader to imagine this day and the eeriness which surrounds it. The day is dark and the girl is dark, her emotions are bleak and cold to the core of her soul. In that short simple but yet vivid stanza you explained a deep sense of feeling within this girl.

    Her Moon has fallen.
    Without warning,
    she was abandoned.
    In a universe threaded
    with the darkest loneliness.

    The metaphors here wow. Loved it, again I can so easily imagine the universe hanging my a thread now cut and falling. She has no where to go, lost and lonely totally confused.

    The Moon that planted
    many gardens upon her,
    no longer cares for them.
    The rainbow butterflies
    of hard plastic
    cling to the disheveled,
    black-stained flowers that
    were once so neatly kept.

    Strongest stanza right here. What a powerful stanza. The usage of words to put together her crumbling world is so deep! Wow. Imagining the rainbow butterflies corroding away into hard plastic and her world so bleak and empty.

    Heaven cries.
    Oh, how she cries.
    A thunder that quakes the souls
    of all who would dare listen.
    A bitter rain that burns
    through the skin to destroy hearts.
    And she cannot stop.
    Not until her Moon returns
    to guard her sacredness,
    to protect her stars.

    Kinda reminded me of Game Of Thrones, I don't know if you read it or watch it but two people call each other moon of my life and my stars and moon so I can imagine this girl losing someone special to her. Now she is a lone unable to think correctly, doesn't know which way to go and is so lost without her Moon. She needs her Moon back to guide her in the right direction to bring peace to her minds eye.

    But her precious, pale Moon
    will never return to where
    she once stood watch.
    No. Her majestic glow has been hidden.

    Pale Moon, love it. The vocabulary you use is broad and well penned. Her majestic glow has been hidden. That is a powerful sentence with a ton of feeling behind it. I can relate to that.

    Though, one day, Heaven will find her Moon
    tucked away in the darkest part of her.

    The universe may never see
    the light of the Moon again,
    but Heaven will hold her
    once more, in her tiny hands.

    A beautiful and somber way to end this poem. Maybe it's a loss of a baby, a loss of a mother who was the girls moon and who was her entire world, now lost and alone this young girl is searching for answers trying to discover herself and hope for her moon to guide her through life.

    A strong poem, a very sad write but yet artistically beautiful. So powerful, I enjoyed it 100%!
    5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Devon

    I like how it all flowed together :) 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by -Choke-On-MY-Halo-

    Mayhap I'm still emotional from reading Cathy's poem about my Ash but I am so sad. I love the imagery and the emotions woven into this sad poem and poor child to loose her mother and at a young age you can always show her this beautiful poem to remind her that people do care. Wonderful yet sad poem 5/5

    -Mori

  • 10 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    I know that little girl's feeling...and for a little one to convey her sadness in a drawing simply breaks the heart. This poem pulls the reader to share your feelings as well as "see" this little girl's pain...touching write.