AHA, Here it is...wow Tony...This is deep, this has that eeriness about it that I felt lacked in the first part...while it told a story I needed to know more and now I can see this pain...its raw and it touched me.

I love your wording as well, it was smooth and everything I read I could see, amazing imagery and that just made the whole poem feel all the more intense

Great write...:)

Ok Tony here I am to read all that youve requested. :)

So I only had one problem with this piece. A LOT of the punctuation needs changed. There needs to be periods where there are commas and a couple places could use a semi colun. I can PM you an example if you want, but perhaps thats just my preference. I just think to change a little bit of punctuation would make this piece a little easier to read.

The story line was deep and somewhat creepy. I really liked the use of silver sun to describe the moon, that was a nice play on words, to describe you live only in darkness.

This read as someones thoughts rather than poetic and I think that helped the feel of this poem a lot.

Nice write.

Part 2 is even better....it describes so much of the story and makes it more clearer of what is going on. It adds more eeriness, more emotion, more power.

Adore "silver sun" and "volcanic water" ...great word plays.

My gosh. This is so eery, and so disturbing. I love poetry with sequels.

...It feels like raw, fleshly wound with salt burning into it. Such a painful write.

But good, nonetheless.