Darkness

by Michael   Feb 28, 2013


As the doors slams shut
i get left in darkness
i am very scared
i hear someone enter
i wonder who it is
could it be a ghost?

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by hiraeth

    A short piece, but very effective. Well done.

    ~ Senyru

  • 9 years ago

    by -Choke-On-MY-Halo-

    Go back and fix the errors in this poem because I cannot how people mess up the civilization on the one letter word "I", I'm not trying to be mean, but grammar and spelling are a HUGE things in a poem to go from fair to amazing that being said welcome to poetry and you do have talent for trying the world of poetry since it's rare nowadays for young adults to touch poetry anymore. 4/5

    -Mori

    • 9 years ago

      by Michael

      I meant to type "I" like this as it shows that I am vulnerable and cannot do nothing. also it signifies that something has got the the better of me.

      thank you for commenting I appreciate it.

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Really think it's interesting how your "i"s are not capitalized. It works well for this poem. To me at least, it signifies how vulnerable and scared you are.

    I would suggest taking a pause before the final line, whether pressing the enter key more after "i wonder who it is" or adding an "..." or even putting the last line in parenthesis so the reader is left with that final, haunting thought.

    Another suggestion would be to add the sounds of the someone entering and instead of outright saying you are scared (which is already implied), give the reader clues as to emotion. If your hands are trembling, heart beat racing, anxious thoughts, etc.

    Keep writing!

  • 11 years ago

    by elizabeth

    I like it but i dont like how it leaves u wondering i think it needs a ending i dont like the suspence

  • 11 years ago

    by Michael

    ..