Comments : Stay (The 7 days contest)

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    You only saw us as a projection
    in a shadow play; featureless, with
    no strings attached. But I thought
    that you would stay when the real
    lights are reflected on our eyes..

    so straight away I know this poem is going to be deep and about two people on different ends of the relationship. I love the light being reflected on the eyes, I take this also to represent the hope you had for this thought being true. Nice opening scene.

    .. you never did! I awaited for one
    more chance; for my kiss of life.

    - one more chance, implies that this has been a rocky road from the start. It shows your disappointment at being let down and them not giving you this chance again.

    I wished to be the audience for once
    not the one behind the scenes because
    sometimes you just want to live the
    dream of how life can turn out to be..

    - This works really well to use a play to describe your situation, here you just wish you were not the one in the drama but merely an observer to it and perhaps you could see a different outcome. I like the wording of " how life CAN turn out to be" it is like you expect it to never be this way because of past lessons and so you think this can only be for others and never yourself?

    .. but I knew better, I knew what
    lights and shadows failed to see.

    - loved this line, it has a very slight dark tone in it and again it can be imagined clearly with the scene you created on a stage.

    --

    Before you I was always a believer,
    I thought love could speak in moments
    of silence, until I was served my first
    glass of skepticism.

    - excellent use of the word skepticism, well done. also this shows your emotion as a person befoer this event happened which is good because it shows how much it has changed your thinking and what you believe in, Like it has shattered your trust in love.

    Here I am now -drained- kissing the
    shadows of a glass-like love, I guess
    this was never mine to drink!

    - very sad ending, again summing up the emotion and thoughts in the poem that you do not think you will ever be entitled to a happy ending in love.

    Oh but you will be :)

    Keep writing xxx

  • 11 years ago

    by LittleMermaid

    This is really very nice!! great piece!

  • 11 years ago

    by average thoughts

    Strong piece..specialy d last two stanzas.

  • 11 years ago

    by Amreen

    Meme, this is utterly emotional piece for me. You rock as always:)
    <3