You penned a very simple yet strong poem here Tony...it wasn't overly dark and there were more sad elements, and the nature tone was beautiful...

A couple of things, in the first stanza "leafs" should be "leaves" and in the second stanza there is a comma that seems to have popped itself in there after "yet"

Otherwise, some really good poetry here

x

A nice blend of darkness and sadness with a backdrop of nature thrown in.

I like how you start by setting a seen, taking us all to a place that you have imagined.

The mechanical substitutes perhaps a warning that technology is taking over natural beauty, that soon we will live in an electronic infrastructure.

great little write

I actually was a bit surprised that this was one of yours. It feels very different for your style of writing for some reason.

I really like the slight tone of mystery as to what you are aiming towards in the beginning. It holds a lot of depression but gives no incline as to why or what has caused you to be here in this place.

then you describe that things are changing and seem unfamiliar to you, a sense of fear hidden between the lines of what these changes are and why they are happening around you. This can realted to emotional changes or physical changes in the world which I like.

Horses are replaced by mechanical
substitutes, mysterious cellular devices
control our entire way of thinking.

- very interesting stanza here. I think this is the part where the darkness enters and the reader has to be left to decide what this represents and whether it is about the changes int he world and this is a metaphor for an example, or whether it be that this is a dark poem of the unexplained and this is really happening in your scene!

Love your wording in the end stanza, it hints back that the poem is indeed about changes in the world and how things seem to be evolving so fast before your eyes that you become frozen in a sense.

Nominating this because I think it is worthy and like I said, I was surprised to see this from you and I like when writers surprise me with something different :)

I like this one very much and in particular last stanza.

I loved the various elements you have in this piece, its not particulary a dark piece its actually a combination of many more. Its simple but also deep inits meaning. I loved the message you delievered in it!

Well done :)

xxx

What an interesting topic....Honestly I don't find this to be dark or side, I'd almost place it in the "life" section.

I agree with Saffie this seemed different from your normal style and I actually really liked it. You usually write deep, twisted wording poetry, this was very simple, a short poem about technology taking over the future...interesting to say the least.

:)

I adore the first stanza, using nature to set the scene... the decayed gravel gives it a hint of darkness in this piece.

From what I read, this is a piece about technology taking over... replacing the past and evolving into bigger things. Changing the world into a technology dependent universe...which of course, is true.

Nice ending!

Good poem well done :)