This time tomorrow,
I'll be somewhere else.
This time, I've chosen it.
I want to be there.
I'll get some rest,
I'll be away for three days,
hopefully, I'll be away
from everything
that bothers me here.
The thing is,
while four days ago,
I was so very excited
to be leaving,
I now feel kind of sad
to leave these people behind.
And that makes me wonder,
why would I ever feel like that?
I've always wanted to go away
and now I don't enjoy it as much.
And then I think I'm not who I was
six months or a year ago.
And that also makes me sad
realizing I've changed so much
I can't recognize the person
I've become.
All of my dreams terrify me
I die in every single one
and I wake up wishing it wasn't a dream
Abnormal and depressed as I am,
I have some distorted thoughts about reality
which I strongly despise
People could call me nuts
and I'd still scream there's something bittersweet
about suicide
picturing the people that care, cry
because you're gone
because they will never smile at you again
or because they will never get to hold you
like they once did
and feeling good inside,
it makes you want to stay
even when you have a hundred reasons
to not be here
And then again,
a voice inside me won't let me sleep
All those things don't matter
because I have lost myself
and all I once used to be
I am not yet sure why I can't give up
is it the friends, the family,
the goals I could achieve,
the man of my dreams,
or is it my cowardice
and fear of death?
Of not being able to
smile for one more time?
