Windows of the Soul

I have read this piece over and over and every time i do i love it more.

You are a wordsmith and have at times flawless control.

Just wonderful.

Oh wow, this poem made me want to applaud you! There are such beautiful, original expressions in it!

"There are times I long to help her."

What a great first line. It automatically draws the reader in and urges them to read on, intrigued. It also expresses a feeling of frustration which sets the tone brilliantly for the rest of your poem.

"She looks toward me with such darkness in her eyes.
That must be what emptiness is like-
devoid of even the faintest light."

I loved this stanza. It painted a very vivid picture in my mind of a young girl with no light in her soul. I loved the last line in particular because of its originality. The word "faintest" especially ensures the message is fully understood my the reader.

"She cried again last night,
those black bags under her eyelids
carry the residue of a sleepless night.
I doubt they'll hold much longer."

This stanza is perhaps not as strong as the beginning of your poem but it works well in painting a picture about who this person is. I loved the fact that you insinuated suicide in the last line as the reader finds themselves fearing for this persons life. Powerful.

"Some days I see the tears
threatening to jump off the edge
of her vacant, brown eyes.
It is never a gentle fall."

I don't know if you did this on purpose but I thought it was pretty cool that you alluded to suicide in the previous stanza and then described suicidal tears in this one. I love the idea of tears jumping off the edge. Very original.

"She walks past me everyday,
I'm lucky when she looks my way because
I always offer her a smile,
though she never fails to decline it
and leave it unreturned."

This stanza was a great one in my opinion because it works in continuing that feeling of frustration as not being able to help. Also, it creates a scary picture. Everyone wants to be saved, or so we think. To depict someone who cannot or does not want to be saved, even by smiles, is powerful.

"Sometimes our eyes lock and
she makes me feel it, too.
The void that has tangled
every fiber inside her.
The knotted lump lodged in her throat
makes it impossible to swallow a breath of air. "

This stanza was one of my favorite parts in your poem. You present such original expressions which truly serve to paint a great, vivid picture. The first 2 lines you, are amazing! The idea that someone can transfer or project their pain with just a look, is so strong! We can read a person sometimes by looking at them but to actually feel what they are feeling? Projected empathy? I loved it.
I enjoyed the idea of this void having her tangled inside and think that most people can relate to that to some extent or another.
The last lines of this stanza were great too. I love the idea of this lump in her throat being so big that it impedes her breathing. It hit home with me as I can imagine with other readers!

"how do you fill a heart
that is already overflowing with emptiness?"

I've skipped a stanza because I'm running out of time and I couldn't miss commenting on the ending of your poem. I really liked the fact that you leave the reader with a question as it leaves them thinking. I always enjoy thought-provoking poetry and you create that as you present them with a philosophical question.

Great piece. I truly enjoyed it!

I like the way you opened up the poem. That's a good way to start, it sets a good tone..

"She looks toward me with such darkness in her eyes.
That must be what emptiness is like-
devoid of even the faintest light."

Here you nailed down a perfect definition of darkness, in few words. Nicely done.

"She cried again last night,
those black bags under her eyelids
carry the residue of a sleepless night.
I doubt they'll hold much longer.

Some days I see the tears
threatening to jump off the edge
of her vacant, brown eyes.
It is never a gentle fall."

Good description of the situation. I can picture the image in my minds eyes. "threatening" and "never a gentle fall," are two descriptive terms that showed your consistency. Because whatever threatens never does so in a gentle way, it's often violent, hence "threatening to jump off," perfectly correlates with "never a gentle fall."

"She walks passed me everyday,
I'm lucky when she looks my way because
I always offer her a smile,
though she never fails to decline it
and leave it unreturned.

Sometimes our eyes lock and
she makes me feel it, too.
The void that has tangled
every fiber inside her.
The knotted lump lodged in her throat
makes it impossible to swallow a breath of air."

Wow! these are powerful scenarios and the descriptions make them even stronger. It's beautiful how you used your own words to describe what might be going on in her whole body. I'm enjoying this.

"I want to reach out to her,
but the last time I did
her voice cracked
the looking glass before her.
And I am afraid if she speaks again
the untempered webs will finally come undone."

I hope there is no form of exaggeration in the above stanza. If there truly is no exaggeration, then I wonder what exactly is the plight of this girl you're talking about. Good use of words. Witty! I hope someday, someone gets to help her.

"If only I could give her hope,
some kind of life for those soulless, dull eyes...

But...

how do you fill a heart
that is already overflowing with emptiness?"

Here I can see your willingness to help and your trouble for being unable to. And the way you ended with a question is a perfect final touch to a great piece. That's what I call "Touche"

*claps*

5/5

Oh my what a lovely piece! The title is so fitting, there are some people we wish to help, we can see through them like a window (perfect description!) They seem so fragile that you feel like any effort you make would break them. How lovely your descriptions were though, how the tears just seemed to want to jump off her eyelids at any moment, and how the bags under her eyes were 'residue of a sleepless night' - so perfectly worded. I love how you said you always offered a smile, seeing if she'd reciprocate it. Shows the generosity of your heart. While there are a lot of caring & loving people in this world that wish to help others, there are also quite a few who do not have the kind heart like some of us, so that line just shows such character. A beautiful yet sad write. You really put me in the moment. Lovely work!

I like how the reader is left unsure as to whether she wants your help or not
In the first stanza she is clearly looking at you, it also appears this is not the first time and maybe she is waiting for your move.
You emphasise her sadness in stanza two giving her a backwards story with the use of 'again' and 'won't hold much longer' this helps us connect with her and you.
We then have a little history, she does cry and you do see it, but there is no evidence to suggest so far that you offer to help, even though by now we have the feeling this occurrence is daily. You paths cross pretty much the same time everyday. We are left wondering how long could it be before we would ask 'are you okay'
Then in stanza 4 you confirm that it is in fact every day, you best effort is a smile, what are you scared of? I am left wondering, it is almost like you are waiting for her to open up to you. The smile is your icebreaker, it obviously isn't good enough for her, maybe she rebuffs it because she sees you as somebody who is happy everyday and sees pity in your eyes.
Then in stanza 5 we have stalemate, an opportunity to speak. Yet your message here to me is one aimed at society not just this girl or your reader. We too often walk passed people or situations, there is no community spirit or selfless attitudes any more. You poem seems to begin this debate at this point.
6 shows the reader that in fact you have tried previously, but maybe not hard enough. Maybe you do not want to get involved in this girls plight. Perhaps you are scared what she might actually tell you.
The final part reads to me that you are trying to justify to yourself that you cannot help her. Your mind is set, You have smiled, she rebuffs, you spoke once, but not in detail. You have done your bit, albeit small....
I think this poem can be interpreted in many ways, which shows how good a write this is. above is just one. I could write the whole comment again but take the view that you are trying to coax her gently, that you are trying in stages to bring her problems to the surface.
Well done on a heartfelt write.