by Tara Kay
Oooh, I love this! I love the whole tone, you're nature writes are always so soft but I feel a sadness within this one. |
by Saerelune
Funny thing is that when I read "sniffed" it immediately reminded me of a dog or some other animal (not meant as an insult, lol) and it made me feel much closer to nature, so to say. Another funny thing is that while I know it's a regular nose you're speaking of (especially since you're focussing so much on the sense of smelling), I could also imagine you standing on this "tip of a frozen nose" (= snowy mountain). By now I feel like I've wandered so far from your inital image that I think I must be insane but it was a nice journey and the fact that your words could do that to me proves something, no? =p Especially due to that I think this first stanza could've even been a poem on its own, though I think then there should be worked a bit with more commas perhaps because the many "n"-sounds make the poem harder to read (tongue twister!) and I kind of had to catch my breath reading that long sentence. But maybe that's exactly what you were trying to achieve, make the sentence run on and slowing it down with your next stanza, which allows the reader to relax and catch her breath like the persona's doing (for some reason I imagine her taking in some beautiful scenery while nipping at peach flavoured ice tea). |
by Ben Pickard
Hello Andrea |