On the Brink of Becoming London

"There's some clever imagery scattered throughout this piece without trying too hard to be all glittery with adjectives. The second stanza alone already represents what I've been speaking of in my previous line. It's heartwrenching but beautiful at the same time. To me it was interesting to see the poem starting out with something quite distant: a "you" whom the reader has no clue about; a "world" in which the persona's surely living but still it's something distant since it seems all big and not graspable. Then it re-focuses, speaking of "America", the place in which the persona grew up in. It becomes more personal and nearby. The language seems to loosen up a bit (compared to the previous, quite mature/articulate language), and it's nice to see such subtle versatility of feeling within the same poem. I also really enjoyed the second-to-last stanza, the bridge immediately reminded me of London and the title's mystery starts to unravel here, making clear to the reader that it was a negative connotation. The bridge seems to be so lively (as a result of the skillfully crafted personification), and its image served very well as a bridge (no pun intended) to the ending. As for the ending, I thought it to be very creative but a bit clumsily worded ("of ... of ..." and the last line could be a little bit more articulate). Despite that, still a great write, though."

[Weekly Contest 25-03-2013]

I agree this poem is very melancholic. The metaphor of London is one I know you understand all too well, because I believe you visited there, yes? If not somewhere close to there. I never knew it was quite like that over there compared to our life here. I don't really know how to properly comment with this one, I really do love the metaphor though, very different, & poetic as always. Well done :)

I found this piece to be really creative MaryAnne, and looking out at London today, the clouds were low, and dark and dreary, and I just had this sense of melancholic being in that moment, and to read this, wow, you just penned a masterpiece.

The beauty in this piece is evident and tied around the imagery and sadness, the whole piece flowed together really well.

The use of time, always touches me in poetry, it makes it seem real and strong, and the way you didn't confirm whether it was am or pm, also touched me, leaves us to wonder.

You manage to find a new take on emotions, and life, and that is what always surprises me, and captivates me when I read your writes, they just always touch me in a different way.

Really great poetry once again MaryAnne.
xx

Ohmigosh MA..I frikken love this!

This has to be, hands down, one of my favourite of yours. I can't get over this...I love this!

Your opening verse, just oh my... the melancholic tone you set straight away already makes me want to tear up and I love the use of slurred, I've always loved that word, it evokes such strong emotions in me.

Your second stanza I just fell in love with, the "nerves shake in agony" brings me back to the mention of alcohol, and makes me picture some desolate man or woman weeping, their body broken from misuse of alcohol.

"Understood living" <--Love this! This makes me reflect and think, does anyone truly understand living? We're born, and then we rush to do so many things before He takes us, and...do we ever really stop and think? To take time to reflect on things? To even attempt to understand what we are here to do?

"It's a little past 6:30, a little too late
to tell the others I didn't dream you up,"

I adore how you wrote the actual time here, it gives the reader a sense of real time, and being right there with you.

And those closing lines... filled with so much melancholy and emotion and yet, as always, written so elegantly and beautifully.

Just...I can't even find the words to describe how much I have fallen in love with this poem!