Goodbye World

by HiddenScars   Mar 19, 2013


I stand here looking down
My knees are weak and my eyes are red
My hands are trembling
His car pulls away for the last time

I fall to my knees with tears streaming down my face
There's a pain in my chest that I cannot describe
The true pain is heartbreak
My hand trembles as it grabs my razor
I bleed to know I'm alive

I cut over my scars
There's no way of stopping
Deeper and deeper
My vein is split
Goodbye world

*I know this follows absolutely no elements of poetry but this is honestly just how I was feeling before.

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  • 10 years ago

    by Burning Angel

    I love how much emotion was in this poem. And yes, it is a poem. A poem is not always a certain "Element of poetry". in my opinion, as long as it reaches out to someone and you are able to really touch someone by what you write, then you are doing a wonderful job!

    This poem really got to me because my last breakup really hurt me. I understand this poem line by line. there is always going to be a certain pain you feel when you go through something like this.

    I like how the suicide part seems like an accident because through the poem, the character seems like she just wants to feel something besides the pain in her chest... then she cuts through her vein.

    Beautiful Piece

    ~Hailey

  • 10 years ago

    by Midnight Sky

    This sad but lot of heart

  • 11 years ago

    by Amreen

    HS, this is deeply sad and I really feel for you. I hope you just move on. Stay strong!
    This piece made me feel the moment and it is truly heartbreaking. I liked the way you described the heartbreak.

    Keep penning:)

  • 11 years ago

    by Michael

    This is a very good poem.
    there are elements of poetry in this.
    the language of this poem is very descriptive

    my only critique is that this poem does not come under love and romance, it comes under depression

    keep up the brilliant work 5/5 for me

  • 11 years ago

    by Marcy Lewis

    I like this. And it does have poetic elements. This is a free verse.

    This is chilling. I relate to this very much. Recovering and staying recovered from self harm is something very difficult, and I can testify. Especially if one suffers with clinical depression. This doesn't completely specify a situation, so it lets the reader draw their own ideas for what triggered the suicide attempt in the speaker, which is interesting.

    "There's a pain in my chest that I cannot describe
    The true pain is heartbreak."

    ^I love this description. Actual heartbreak does leave this literal ache and throat-gripping pain inside your chest and neck. It's almost indescribable.

    Critique: This belongs in sad poems under depression, not love poems, dear.

    Regardless, this was good.
    Keep it up.