We'll Never Be More

My memories of you are bright and burning,
And in my chest I am filled with yearning
I wish I never met you that day
Then I wouldn't feel this way
I never had a heartbreak,
But is this how a heart aches?

Seeing you makes my insides flutter, your words slide over me like butter
And I can't help but smile and hold you close, knowing I'll never be anything more than a friend
I don't want these feelings but I don't want us to end.

I don't love you but I like you
You make me laugh and tease me too, something no one does, no one but you
I wish you weren't so different from the rest so I could glaze over these feelings, it upsets me so knowing how hard it is to push my feelings away
Especially when you return to stay

Stop smiling at me, please it hurts
Knowing we'll never be more is too much for me, I'm drowning in your happiness as you treat me with nothing but kindness
My pit of despair is filled with your benevolence and I try my best to cover myself so I can wallow in my own self-pity,
Don't laugh with me, it makes my heart quiver,
Please don't be kind anymore, I can't handle it.
Why must you make my feelings sway this way?
I don't need your stay, I need you to leave me behind so that I may despise you and sour these feelings
Just why must you make me a part of your dealings?

Can you see it? The tears in my eyes
I'm blurred by the colors of life, I am filled with only this internal strife
Should I reassure myself to make my feelings known?
Should I lie and tell you I don't like you?
You know my feelings but don't act upon them or encourage them
You pity me, it must be, for you smile and laugh at a distance
I don't know how to deal with you,
I've never felt this way
This could be my first love - could it be my first heartache instead?

Why do you treat me so kindly without so much as a wince?
You don't like me the same way,
Not once, not since the day we met.
I mistook you for a typical boy but it turns out you were much more,
You were the first to tease me in a kind way that provoked my inner child to react.
No one treats me that way, they take me as a gentle thing, something to be taken with the utmost care and reassured with only soft words.
And you don't know that your words are like small and short stabbing swords.

I hate you - I like you
I'm not happy - I'm smiling
I don't want you - I hold you closer
Leave me alone - I join you again
Stop it, please!

My mind is in turmoil, my heart won't listen
My head knows what's right, it knows how it ends,
But my heart insists we'll be more than friends.