In a blink of an eye, one explosive can tear, rip and destroy many hearts... the depth of tragedy can be felt in this tiny, powerful Senryu Hellon... truly a riveting piece!

:/

Dislike button please.

Normally, I do not get personal in my comments, very rarely I will and on this occasion I am going to because I connected with this poem so much.

We were dancing, then
a bomb blew our lives apart:-
in the morgue, my heart.

- so in each line of your poem is one key word that really jumps out;
1- dancing
2- bomb
3. morgue

..... that in itself makes this poem so unique and powerful. I feel this offers an insight as to how quickly things can change and how normal life can be running along and then something happens to take it all away.

On a personal note, I lost my fiancé and this sums up pretty well how it feels when suddenly they are taken away from you. ( no matter the circumstance) I feel in three lines you have punched this emotion into the readers stomach and let them feel a glimpse of what it is like to lose someone.

My favourite thing about your poem is that you chose the word heart, for being in the morgue, you did not say lover, friend, soul mate etc, but your heart! This was so powerful because it shows without further explanation that this person carries your heart and without them you feel like you can not carry on. So sad and touching and this really did move me to read.

I think it is a very powerful senryu, well done.

Sorry - I knew there was something else I wanted to say. I thought the idea of dancing in the first line was very useful and well used because it represents how pleasant and happy things were before this, it sets the tone of peace and love before the bomb. I think this is very relevant in this example of situation because more often than not, these bombs are destroying happy and contented families.

Just had to add that.

I remember in one of my classes, a couple years ago, discussing the attack in Bali. the nightclubs, right? In anyway, this senryu painted the perfect image of something so unimaginable. Dancing, enjoying your time and then tragedy strikes. Such powerful, personal words. Incredible.

One bomb is even to destroy thousand lives... this is such a powerful senryu that in one instant images of all the recent attacks flashed by me. Few years back there were simultaneous blast near my hometown, for days the stench of dead bodies floated in air.
It was tragic.
I felt the same mixed emotions of anger and sadness while reading your poem. The last line is just heart breaking.
Brilliant write.

The wording here was powerful Hellon, it just had something to it that in the first line made me go WOW because everyline added more emotion and depth...you penned tragedy and sadness perfectly and my comment could not do it justice.

I love the use of heart to describe this person you have lost as it creates more emotion.

X

"I like how the title simply states a fact, not too not too dramatic, a little bit like the way news articles start off. The reader knows it's an important event that's going to be described, but not offered enough information to know what it is. The first line of the poem creates an interesting contrast with the title. Almost reminding us of holidays (beaches, sun, disco's), making the reader doubt the possibilities that are tied to "Bali, October 2012" (< It could be the header of a news article, but also the title of a photo album). The second line effectively blows the rosy mood apart. I liked how this line appeared so suddenly, so out of the norm, imitating the way things must have felt during the bombing. Although I must say that it was really the last line which included that extra punch in the stomach. Almost like an afterthought, an aftershock. The heart is such a fragile organ after all. Could be taken literally or figuratively, both equally sentimental. All in all, an excellent senryu, not only because of its structure, but also the diversity between each line while remaining fairly simplistic/direct in language, and tugging at the heartstrings too. Well done."

[Weekly Contest 1-4-2013]