I can still smell them
The alcohol on their breaths
The cigarettes they'd been smoking
There was one main guy
I wish I knew who it was
It's all a little hazy from the drugs
But I remember feelings
I remember feeling him
His dirty fingernails; his rough, calloused hands; all over places they shouldn't be
In my own bed, in my own room, of my own house- I should have been safe
My body wasn't the only thing raped that ni ght
My sense of security was torn away from me as well
I denied it for so long....
Now I'm resigned to admit the truth
That my first time was to a bunch of drunk idiots at a party
It was almost 13 years ago
And I still feel it,
And taste it,
And smell it,
Like it only happened moments ago
And I don't want to live anymore
