Comments : Make Believe

  • 11 years ago

    by Angie

    Oh My Chelz, be still my heart, I adore this piece... the imagery is so perfect that I could picture it as I read your words. We all dream of that one someone and how we percieve it to be if we were with them... this piece gives such beautiful detail of that, its preciously romantic.

    The breeze snuck through kisses as breath lost its way

    ^^ OMG how sweet and elegant is that line and for so few words its so powerful... I love it.

    Not sure why you put this under Misc poems though. Well done Chelz, I am in awe of this write!!

    • 11 years ago

      by Chelsey

      Thank you ang!! :) love poems cant be nominated so I put it under misc.

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Our dreams are so powerful and should be allowed to become reality, our imaginations are just reflections of a reality that can be made, and you just showed this beautiful, sometimes we want what we can't or shouldn't have, sometimes we know that what we imagine or dream is too far to reach but life needs those dreams, life needs to make believe

    Love this.
    x

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    "passerbys" -- should be "passersby". ;)

    I love the flow of this poem, the softnesness yet the intensity. Often the two don't get paired together but you meshed it so perfectly here.. I really adored it. You also set a beautiful scene... serene, romantic and natural. AH I love that.

    You had an interesting line break/placement and I tried to read at the pace you intended, though I don't think I quite got it right. You left hard breaks in the middle.. and I love that when it works, like here:

    "Where there is a bench aloft a dock, that oversees
    a river, there is us. Two souls, probably incompatible,"

    Not only do I love that part of the poem, but it also felt like the full stop isn't QUITE the full stop because without the line break you want to be sure to stress to the reader that these pieces are important to mesh together. I LOVE THAT.. and I'm probably reading way too much in to it lol.

    "reminds me of my
    you and how I wish to make real,
    what I make believe. "

    Reminds you of your.. what? lol This part through me off a little bit. I think there is a word missing :D

  • 11 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judge Comment:

    I can't express how much this piece dazzles, with creativity, romance, nature tones and even a touch of sorrow, no wonder it is in the miscellaneous section, because it's jammed packed with several genres.

    A heart seeking love of another from afar, perhaps a crush, the soul needs to write, for the words may not be able to be expressed to the person at this very moment, so here is where touching and heartfelt poetry is born.. Chelsey has written a heartfelt piece from the soul! This poem has hope, dreams, wrapped in each line. The reader can't help but feel with this poem.

    The visual displays of nature, example: city, oak trees, dock by the river, seagull's and ducks.. This poem has it all, it's a mouthwatering visual piece.. I like to see when I read, and I see tons in this poem.

    Elegantly crafted, a beautiful read by Chelsey!