Short Poem/Young Life

I'm not sure how to put this
But my life has fallen apart
Use to so independent
Right from the very start

Of me graduating high school
Had my own comfortable space
Now I'm back at nothing
Thinking everything was a waste

Why am I here somedays
Why am I still living
Just give me cancer or something
I'm sick of believing

I get less happier
As I get older in time
Nothing to look forward to
Passing days with beer and wine

I grew up so messed up
I don't know how to describe it
It's like each day I was dying
And should've had a first aid kit

Pulling out my hair
Almost becoming bald
Biting my nails constant
Never once have I stalled

Not believing important things
Like being able to love
Always thought black crows
Never a flying white Dove

I have so many emotions
I can't describe right here
Too much info in the first place
Which is my only fear