I have a hard time getting past the pickles in this poem... because I keep just seeing it, lol. I know exactly what you mean and yet it's such an interesting image, I would've never thought to use that in a poem.

The rest of the poem really is just amazing. You have some serious creativity. I love the part about reading the sleepless, sex-deprived nights on stubbly chins. How does your brain even come up with this stuff?! I love that!

What a odd yet very creative thing to write about. You've captured the moment of being in an elevator so well, feeling squished between bodies (the metaphor of jarred pickles is soo perfect, not sure how you came up with that one!) and looking trying to read the expressions on the faces next to you, wanting to say something (itch on tongue, another brilliant line) but then again not wanting to break the silence. One of the most creative writes I've read in a while, very well done!

[Judging comment from week of 4/08/13]:

It's an honor for me as reader to come across a poem that takes me for surprise and denies expectations I may have within me, whether I realize it or not. There was definitely thoughts that were provocative as well as bold that gave this piece color, and something I hadn't thought about before. I love how this poem pens what this gang is, and the un-comfortability the character goes through while standing next to them. There were so many senses unleashed in this poem, it was like nothing I've read.

I can imagine these words written in ink on paper and somehow dancing across the page, making a scene. The simile of the freshly jarred pickles was magnificent! Never in my life have I heard of anything being compared to a pickle and yet the author states this simile so bluntly and honestly, it immediately gets my attention that this is not your everyday meet inside an elevator with commonplace people. I liked the character's almost perception of these men, having this ability to clearly see the truth of their life, the "sleepless, sex-deprived nights" they may struggle through. The creativity of this piece should be brought to attention. I just am in awe of each and every line and how much they made this moment stand out and feel real. Well done!