I typically am not a fan of rhyming poems, they usually feel tedious and cliche.. you have only one or two "forced" rhymes here but it was subtle enough that it didn't detract from the poem in any way.. in fact the flow of this poem was wonderful. I read it in almost a limeric-al (word? lol) sense, with that sort of meter/pacing... which to me made it feel more intense (loved that).

It's funny because your poem has so many of the "famous PnQ 'dont's'" (fillers, repetitive nature etc) but it works so well here. Your fillers were placed with intent and eliminating them would take away from the poem, so you used them properly (I have a really hard time using them correctly myself).

Your second stanza I would try to eliminate one of the -'s from the first or second line (I would suggest the first), mostly for visual reasons. The line break creates a pause and connection, but I feel the second one is placed again with intent.

Your third stanza I have one quick suggestion with this line: and make fake futures bright?

I would change "fake" to false here. The make/fake stole from the elegance of the flow here and I didn't read it naturally. It still creates the bit of alliteration with futures but takes the rhyme from 'make'.

Overall with the message I really liked this poem. It's relatable - we all have nightmares. Sometimes the biggest nightmare is in fact realizing we have no one around us, perhaps to our own doing. My favorite stanza message wise of this poem was your opening stanza.. I felt that was really strong. Your ending was also very powerful and took us to a different place then where you thought the poem was going to go. Overall this is a really great read! :)

Wonderful. TS, the poem is thoughtful and has so much to share. The rhyming is flawless as it doesnt seems forced.
Amazing work:)

Keep writing:)

Holy cow, I LOVEDDDD this poem!

Every word was so strong and the flow was flawless. The topic you chose was nightmares but not in the sense of monsters or ghouls, but in the scary aspect of false hope that your dreams (nightmares) bring you:

"...What dreams may come to tantalize,
and make false futures bright?

But dreams they are and dreams they stay,
however loud we weep.
our dreams are in another land;
a land of lustful sleep."

I love that you included a comparision to your relatives and friends who are able to sleep peacefully through the night while you suffer through this terror.

I also like that you acknowledge your dreamsv as being in this far away land of "lustful sleep" making reaching that peaceful state of sleep seem unobtainable.

Great write!!!

I too thought the rhyme scheme worked very well here in a prosaic way to give the message to the reader, almost with ease. I definitely thought this poem had good flow, and I always get the feeling when I'm reading such structured rhymed verses that there is depth between the lines.... I admit I overlook a lot of rhyming poems because I'm not always patient for them or they just don't appeal, but you make this very tasteful. It is not just the author stating what already may be known, or describing the atmosphere... this really envelops me. It seems more archaic, something to be pondered.

I also took my time in this piece and savored it. I have to admit, some writes read very quickly to me and I take it all in right away, all at once.... but there's feelings very memorable and precious here. You craft your words with care and I liked how you combined some words for these phrases: "sleeping souls", "hurried hearts", "mighty knell", "false futures"- subtle alliteration there, but these struck me and made this piece speak even more clearly to me.

I got the belief as well that as much as we desire dreams vacant of any warnings or worry, we can't control them. So when you spoke about hoping and praying for rest, I agree that is something we all do, but we don't get a break sometimes. Maybe a part of our mind craves that darkness or is acting against us. I have to say the fourth paragraph was one of my favorite's in its sheer simplicity and reality that dreams are just dreams, they do not predict our future or set paths that are our only options. It was so unique how you said they are in another land where they take sleep, lust for it themselves! What life you give here and wisdom, you perceive deeply and give the reader that depth!

Neat ending as well.... that's very true, nightmares aren't always present at night, they can come any time, especially when we forget that nightmares can be a part of living through our hardest times- striving, even when we visibly touch and see our loneliness.

Great poem here, enjoyed it very much :]

You pretty much wrapped up my every single night for me, haha. I really love this piece. I really did think from the beginning this would be some dark piece describing this really screwed up nightmare, but actually - this was quite deep.

"Our nightmares may not come at night-
not when we rest our heads...
But when we waken from our dreams:

Alone

and in our beds. "

This could mean a few things, depending on the reader.

1. This could mean someone who has paranoia. They wake up and it's dark, and they dream they had wasn't good - so it must mean something terrible. What's lurking around the room? Am I crazy? That sort of thing. I guess that would make this piece fall under "dark" if that was the case, so I guess not - but I interpreted it that way on the second read through.

2. When you wake up without anyone with you in bed. So many other people have a loved one who sleeps in bed with them every night. That could be someone's worst nightmare. Never having a relationship, or a significant other in the same bed, waking up beside you.

Either way - fantastic.

Alright, I see you have the iambic sound in the first and second line 8 and 6 syllables.

the MORNing HOUSE was DARK that DAY
the BEDroom RANK with FEAR,
where SLEEPing SOULS DREAMT of DREAD
and of ANgels, insinCERE.

So see where I highlighted, the ones in capitals are the stresses,
that's why it has this sound,

The second line the bedroom rank with fear doesn't sound like the first one because it's missing two more syllables.

So let's say you add, " and pain"

the morning house was dark that day
the bedroom rank with fear and pain

now do you hear the sound..
and just to adjust the next line that follows. "where sleeping souls dreamt of dread"

The morning house was dark that day
the bedroom rank with fear and pain
where sleeping souls have dreamt of dread
and of angels insincere.

So now the first three lines are in iambic tetrameter, the forth one isn't.
I would have assume you wanted to write it in anapest but you only have one in there " and of ANgels"

Anywho, I like your poem and I like it just the way it's written. I simply added the above to add something different from the comments given above this one.

Wait..

Now... i'm paying attention.

So I see, you tried to write in a pattern.

In each stanza:

Line1- 8 syllables iambic tetrameter
L2 6 syllables iambic trimeter
L3 7 syllables ( iambic?)
L4 7 syllables

Stanza 3 for L3 has 5 instead of 6

sleeping through the night
<--Also This line gives you a sound of Trochee the opposite of iambic
SLEEPing THROUGH the NIGHT

hmm I am not sure.. there are some lines with more syllables...

But I can be wrong but I think your focus was on the meter. A good write though..

I really loved this. I felt as though I was reading a haunting fairytale. Great poem.

This poem is just BEAUTIFUL i love the third and fourth stanza that above the rest of the stanzas called out to me since i've been through that phase and it has hurt like heck when i realized it was just a dream no matter how much i wanted to hold on to that dream and hope it may one day come real...thank you for writting a poem everyone around the globe can relate to! 5/5

Queen Of No one

Taylor, I have to say I stopped writing and reading rhyming poetry a long time ago because I felt so restricted with words and it got boring to me...but this was really really neat. I like your topic! Those last two stanzas honestly blew me away...This whole poem did to be honest.

Its funny how we think our nightmares consist of someone chasing us, falling off a cliff, getting murdered, but you said it well when saying But dreams they are and dreams they stay,...they shouldnt scare us....what is scary is what your ending line said..being alone..waking up with no comfort...living reality hopelessly ...alone.

Very well written. Kudos.

Like a few others mentioned, I'm also not a huge fan of rhyming poems... but maybe that's because I suck at it. :P Anywho, this poem blew me away. It's flawless and totally stuck out in a big way.

Nightmares aren't always in our dreams, they can be our everyday life. Everyone has a nightmare that haunts them and it isn't always at night, it could be in broad daylight. Fear is the nightmare.

You had wonderful imagery throughout ...but I adore the ending. Waking up alone, without anyone there to help comfort your fears... maybe being alone is the fear and you wake up everyday realizing it. Thought provoking piece!

This rhymes perfectly, and I very much like the dark tone of this. Nicely written :)

I think the rhymes here were really good,
I've been reading through your poems and trying to comment on some of them, but I'm at a loss with words, and you said things that I can relate to in this piece, you took something that we all deal with and crafted it in a way that made me be dragged into the lines. Our dreams can become nightmares and sometimes when we are awake, those nightmares still haunt and follow us.

This poem sums all elements for sleep/ non-sleep such as nightmares, fear, dark, dream, ... and loneliness. The reaction between human along with these elements yielded a unique type of writing.
Stellar!