But our new life
was much stronger
than the spirit
of our old love.
^^
Loved this stanza the most.

You are a brilliant poet amreen

Very Nicely Penned Amreen!!!

Beautiful piece Amreen.Love should never end but nothing remains the same under our Sun.

Oh Amreen..... this is Beautiful... in a heartbreaking fashion, but the way you worded it and the format just takes the reader away... very elegant!

But a day came
when the throat of our relation
got slit by
the knives of mistrust.

^^This stanza portrays the pain of relationship that has ended due to mistrust, the most important foundation of a relationship..touching!

It had tears
in its eyes
as it knew its life
grew stagnant now.

^^A very lonely image of a heart came to my mind as I read it. The sadness we go through after a break up is shown very clearly here.

And that it couldn't find solace,
but wander around
like the dead soul
of a forgotten love.

^^The ending here I find it the most powerful with a lasting image in the reader's mind. How many forgotten loves are out there wandering and looking for peace..beautifully written...take care.

Very unique, so tender and emotional. I really love this poem well done! 5/5

mandy :)

This speaks so much truth ...

You really never know in life something that seems
Forever can die in a matter of seconds .

So many people will relate to this piece .

It seemed so simple in parts , yet really hits
Home.

Wonderful

I like the ending. Very poetic!

Amreen..I do like this poem and also the fact that you have given the relationship an identity of its own...good idea. Here are some thoughts for you to consider....

Our love was born
like a naive baby-
tender and innocent,
fresh and adorable.

Days passed by
when it grew
like a mature infant-
cheerful and lively.
^^
Days just doesn't seem long enough IMO..maybe time? Also you have used like in the previous verse so maybe change this one to...well to?

All seemed so beautiful
as we both saw our bond
grow old
like the life of a human.

^^^

I'm not sure about this stanza...you use like once again which I wasn't keen on but...this whole sentence didn't really make sense to me?

But a day came
when the throat of our relation
got slit by
the knives of mistrust.

^^^^

I think it should be relationship?

The wounds of it
were severe and hence
our love succumbed
to the bad tidings.

Our love's soul
became secluded
as we left its clutches
to live a new beginning.

It wandered around,
sobbing and reminiscing
of the perished memories
we once lived.

^^^

This is what I mean by giving your relationship a life....I really loved this part!

It tried haunting both of us,
so it could
control our lives
and rekindle our lost love.

But our new life
was much stronger
than the spirit
of our old love.

^^

Using the word our twice in such a sort stanza should be avoided I think?

As we ignored
its cry
and simply
moved on.

It was depressed with the fact,
it wouldn't grow young
and reflect
the beauty of a youthful love.

Again...I'm struggling to make sense of this..It wouldn't grow young?...perhaps you meant it wouldn't stay young?

It had tears
in its eyes
as it knew its life
grew stagnant now.

^^^

this should be had grown stagnent I believe?

And that it couldn't find solace,
but wander around
like the dead soul
of a forgotten love

Eveerything else is past tense here so wander should be wandered to keep it all correct.

Nice poem BTW Amreen....I really did like it :)

I have not read a poem like this in a good while (haven't read any lately, to be honest, but that's beside the point =P). I love how you personified the relationship, gave it its own timeline- from being born to death. Very creative.

"It wandered around,
sobbing and reminiscing
of the perished memories
we once lived."

^ I'm in love with this stanza. The idea of your old love's soul wandering around and sobbing. Seems as though you, yourself, aren't as hurt about the ending of the relationship, and this "lost soul" is suffering everything.

No amount of comments could do this justice.
And I do agree with Hellon, some words should be changed to keep the past/present tense balanced. Other than that, excellent write. 5/5

-Liz

I love the continual of the metaphor of starting as a naive baby to a grown up, very unique! I just kept loving it as I continued to read. :)

"But a day came
when the throat of our relation
got slit by
the knives of mistrust."

^Love this line, betrayal found it's way in the relationship and once trust has been slit, there's usually no way to piece it back together. You captured that well here.

I like how this poem has a beginning, middle, and end.. it tells you how it began, how it continued and how it ended. The whole relationship summed up in one poem. Love it.

Dear Amreen,

Some wounds cut so deep, that the relationship never returns to its full glory ever again..even if both parties would wish it did. To move on is sometimes the only sensible thing to do, that, and to learn from past mistakes.

I understand about the Love wanting to grow young again, I understand how you tried to convey that was an impossible dream for the Love you both gave birth to.

Well done:)

5/5 Ingrid

Our love was born
like a naive baby-
tender and innocent,
fresh and adorable.

Great similes. I loved it.

Days passed by
when it grew
like a mature infant-
cheerful and lively.

unique descriptive metaphore. The use of "infant" reveals that this stage happened before the "baby" stage in the first stanza.

All seemed so beautiful
as we both saw our bond
grow old
like the life of a human.

A stage of reaching the top of happiness as a result of optimum growing love

But a day came
when the throat of our relation
got slit by
the knives of mistrust.

The first deviation in relation here is figured in an excellent way, because of mistrust.

The wounds of it
were severe and hence
our love succumbed
to the bad tidings.

This shows the consequences of the first deviation in relation.

Our love's soul
became secluded
as we left its clutches
to live a new beginning.

The spiritual behavior of love's soul should have a confident beginning to have a chance for rekindling the lost love.

It wandered around,
sobbing and reminiscing
of the perished memories
we once lived.

It tried haunting both of us,
so it could
control our lives
and rekindle our lost love.

But our new life
was much stronger
than the spirit
of our old love.

As we ignored
its cry
and simply
moved on.

It was depressed with the fact,
it wouldn't grow young
and reflect
the beauty of a youthful love.

It had tears
in its eyes
as it knew its life
grew stagnant now.

And that it couldn't find solace,
but wander around
like the dead soul
of a forgotten love.

------------------
Overall: Nice metaphores and similes which provide the poem with the important supports and foundation. This created a thoroughly nice work that's worth reading.
You are superior as always.