Crossing Cobblestone Streets [Collab]

by Saerelune & The Queen   Apr 17, 2013


The weatherman said, today's going to be
one-eighty degrees and sunny,
perhaps, hot enough to melt
our skin's insecurities,
stone hearts, and
rigid scruples and pride,
of matching outfits;
we fled out the front door--

only to trip over a stubborn threshold,
flabbergasted by the heat of the road,
radiating like shame
upon rose-powdered cheeks,
but not rising, just yet,
as if waiting for a rain-soaked parasol;
that would never come.

Fast-paced; we scurried out into the baking noon air;
chasing and being chased, by our own shadows
while tugging at the invisible baggage,
lugging at the overworked suitcase
of our past.

Flashbacks flurried behind our backs
as we passed a lump of melting ice-cream,
supine upon a bench--a girl with a bruised knee,
still kicking balls into trees; resonant
of the days we tried to provoke the sun.

The harsh bite of asphalt seeps into our shoes
once more, with numb toes; now, promenading
along cobblestone-paved streets,
and as time starts nipping at our heels, we realize

we never really stopped to heal.

    report violation
5


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  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    [Judging comment from week of 4/22/13]:

    This poem has such spirit. I felt the intensity in the beginning stanza, how maybe the day can change for us if we give ourselves the chance to believe in the weatherman- though nothing is guaranteed. That idea of the sun being hot enough to free us from what's stuck on us and our cold-heartedness is really thought-provoking.... that image stays strong with me. I love the whole "feel" you both give of walking into this sunlight and going through a moment where we realize we fall down and it's hard to get back up.

    I liked how the character is portrayed as having such human characteristics.... that moment when we're walking out into reality and we just want a break, in this case, "as if waiting for a rain-soaked parasol; that would never come."

    The imagery was incredibly clever without just naming descriptions (and fantastic verb choices too!).... the weight of our past can sure drag us down and it is our choice whether to take that "invisible baggage" or leave it behind and never be afraid again.

    The fourth stanza came alive with the vividness, and made me think often in certain moments where we are remembering or hold a memory close to us- that is when we see clarity. The small things around us. The odd shapes and angles. We become aware of how it feels to be alive here.... and how time moves us.

    That last line just struck my heart and I can learn so much from this piece! The wisdom of "we realize we never really stopped to heal" spoke volumes to me and I will continue to reflect on this... how true is that that we must take time for ourselves to come to terms with our past, forgive others and ourselves, and truly move on?

    What a bigger picture type of poem! Where one action, crossing the cobblestone streets, signifies so many measures of life- I admire both of these poets so much and the growth they share in this poem is awe-inspiring, the emotion, message, and thoughts that escalate through this piece that I grasp onto. Thanks for sharing, I had such a pleasure reading!

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    Judge comment:

    I know this poem got an HM last week but I'm hoping to see this on the front page. Two poets with very different styles meshed together in a seamless effort and made it look so perfect and beautiful. The descriptions are so mind boggling-ly beautiful. I also like the punctuation. It's almost a little over done but it added such strength and purpose to me. It was like the writers were telling you "this is how you NEED to read it" and you feel the full effect. Add all of that to the ending.. a one liner with so much heart and impact. Just.. wow.

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    I want to nominate this so bad..

    I recognized the title because I thought it was from our challenge, and may still be.. and then the use of parasol.. I did a double take and then realized it was a collab and not an early submission from the challenge.. man I'm tired lol.

    I want to go through and say what I love, but of course it's everything. You two are so creative and mimicked one anothers styles so well together. I think I know who wrote what part, but I could be wrong.. you two mesh so well together.

    I'm drooling over this poem, seriously. I wish for a second I could think like the two of you do!

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