Put on my headphones
Tune out the rest of the world
Put the lip gloss on
But who is this girl
The one hidden
That no one sees
In this mirror, I have her eyes
She looks back at me
I need to know her
Throw the pill bottle on the ground
My walls shatter like glass
When no one is around
I feel her misery
It pours out like rain
How could I hold back
So much of this pain
I start to fall
Spiraling down my regrets
How could I just walk away
And convince myself I would forget
I smash into the concrete
That has barricaded my head
All the lines in-between
And choices I misread
The emotions over-burden me
Is this what it's like to feel?
I'm not even sure
How much of it is real
Was it a dream?
A nightmare of sorts
Was I really two people?
Or is this something of distort
Is she my demon
Or is she some hero
Do I let her out
Or do I take the pills and let her go
I pick up the drugs
What have these done
How many lives did I ruin
How many times did I run
The feelings come rushing back
Invading me all at one time
When did I lose myself
Her will I ever find?
I can beat this battle
But I cannot undo the past
All's I can tell them
Is I hope the pain doesn't last
My life is a puzzle
Just trying to make them all fit
But some pieces are missing
And it might take quite a bit
One foot in front of the other
But don't be afraid to fall
Just dust yourself off
No one is perfect after all
My world is changing
Spinning around and around
I'm picking out details
Anything to be found
Put back together my life
And try to move on
I know it will get better
Even if the schizophrenia isn't gone...
***Dedicated to those who also have schizophrenia and feel so lost and numb. You are not a lone. ****
