Tin Roof Blues

Judging comment:

"So often we see the cliche kind of love poem on here-boy meets girl, boy leaves, girl cries. So it was incredibly nice to see such a refreshing kind of poem about a lost relationship. The imagery in this little piece is astounding, I'm able to visulise everything that the author describes and can't help for feel sympathy and emotion for her. I also liked how the title was incorporated into the poem, it made me think of rain pitter pattering on the window while she cries over her loss, feeling so alone. "She should have sent him away yesterday
before he slapped her with common sense. " Favourite part of this, I thought these lines were filled with despondency and grief and it's very easy for the reader to feel the author's hurt and anger. Huge fan of the vocabulary used in this and I think this is such a classy and elegant write."

Again i gotta say this is BEAUTIFUL to the extreme my favorite stanza was the last one since it shows all the raw emotions coming out to me!!! :) 5/5

Ashlin

Slight hint of rhyme in this one so subtle as not to distract me from the free flow you have mastered so well

Really great . sadness is overwhelming . I like he words you used .

Over all the poem was pretty good, ive just got a couple things that tripped me up. in the first stanza, the 2 rhyming lines at the end sorta stick out. they arent bad in and of themselves, not really forced, but its like the rhyme doesnt fit in this particular poem.

the lines
"Monsoon scents pirouette
around her nostrils, "

starts eloquent and interesting, but the word "nostrils" lacks a certain grace... we go from this eloquent, dancing smell (i almost think incense smoke trails) to some ones nose holes in about as much eloquence, it might be worth considering changing that second line to something else entirely, maybe
"Monsoon scents pirouette
with tantalizing sweetness, "

the next line " trying to blanket her cries. " is an interesting choice, we've moved from smell to sound, and the idea of a smell stifling a sound is... thought provoking. is the scent so strong that it distracts from the sound? or is it an expositional change to move the reader from one sense to the next... either way, the use of "trying" implies a kind of failing on the part of the scent, and I feel it could be phrased more gently... you could leave it as "blanketing her cries", but it might leave out the connotation that the scent is not succeeding so it might not work as well. i shall think on this and report back if i come up with anything.

the ending though, the ending was very powerful and finishes on a strong note. i really like the personification of the rain, and the kind of hopeful yet regretful tone.