I dont have a name for it and its not really that good but owell

by Alex   Apr 25, 2013


As you turn and look into the mirror you see only pain and sadness thinking for what asking your self How did I get here what did I do watching your pain drip out of you knowing you'll be safe in deaths hands you feel right at home in the darkness takes over smiling As you did want everybody wanted

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  • 11 years ago

    by myonlymoon

    This was a good write Alex, I've noticed you were new here!

    I really enjoyed reading this and could connect a lot with the emotion here, however I'd like to offer some constructive criticism if I may... The way you have formed this in a paragraph without punctuation makes it a tad difficult for the reader to tell where one sentence begins and another ends. Maybe if you trying breaking some of that up like:

    "As you turn and look into the mirror
    you see only pain and sadness,
    thinking for what
    asking yourself,
    how did I get here, what did I do?"

    Something along those lines, it doesn't distract the reader that much and allows us to focus more on the topic in which you're writing about. You also had a couple spelling errors- "your self" is written yourself, and I think at the end you meant to write "As you did what* everybody wanted."

    Keep writing!!! (:

    xoxo Crystal

  • 11 years ago

    by Pete Daniels

    Beautiful and so touching.. Well done.

  • 11 years ago

    by CathyButterflyJC

    I almost burst into ters when I read that first line, another remarkable piece written by another remarkable writer! :)

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