Identity

May 9th 2013 (1 hour session)

Before you listen any longer.
This story your about to be told
Is true, take a seat... travel back with me.

- I love the intro and how you give the information in the beginning that this poem is about to be a flashback. This interested me. I would take away the full stop after longer, take away the capital T in this, and capital I in IS, It would sound better just flowing as one opening sentence.

December 3rd 1997 (20 minute walk home)

I remember it like it was yesterday the ticking on my watch echoed around the dark streets of London.

- I like how you put in a Place, it somehow just make the scene easier to imagine. I found it interesting that you used dark streets for London because I can't picture any street being dark in London since it is lit up so much, but I assume you done this to imply it was late at night? Also must be late at night for the only sound to be your watch ticking - it made me think how empty the place must have been.

The night was so cold, the pavements
Glitter silver. Homeless people set up fires, drinking Cinnamon whiskey.

- cinnamon does not need a capital if it is just a flavour, unless it is a brand, in which case both words should have a capital. Glitter doesn't need a capital either.

I opened the cemetery gates ice fire
Shoots through my hand; I swear I
Heard unfamiliar footsteps yet I'm alone.

- you need a comma after gates. Shoots doesn't need a capital and neither does heard. I think you need to reword this part because the tense is too choppy. opened, and heard are past tense, but shoots, I swear, I'm alone, are all present tense. SO I would change some words around to make it all one tense. The wording of the ice fire is very powerful, and the creepiness of hearing someone's footsteps is unsettling and gives the poem a slight edge to it.

Warm flesh grasps at the back of my neck , knocking me to the floor... my head kisses the dusty path disabling my eye site-

- SO the reader does not expect this when reading the poem, it is a twist in the scene. I love the wording of kissing the dusty path.

For the next half an hour I'm paralysed , feeling every touch.

- This is horrible to imagine, not being able to move but still being able to feel everything. This is one of my worst nightmares about being in hospital with everyone around you but being unable to communicate or move.

(May 9th 2013)

The people i see before me i should recognise but I've never seen them before, every time I look around I see just faces in the crowd , is one of you him,
the man who sentenced me to a life time of face blindness.

- capitalise your I's boy!! lol
- I like your choice of ending, to bring it back to the current day and explain that you are in a roomful of people and yet you can't see them, this means any one of them could be the person who done this to you and you would never know.
- My only thing I don't like is the word face blindness? I would take out the face and just have blindness ? But that's just me, I didn't feel it went.

I like the idea of the poem, and I think it is horrific that things like this does happen. :( But I alike that you have decided to write about such an event.

I actually had already read and rated this, because it's a little difficult to comment on. Like...I totally feel and understand everything in this poem, but I don't know to word what I feel. I know this is definitely a fantastically written poem - and the emotions are conveyed perfectly. The whole flashback process and going into deep therapy is exactly this. If this not a personal experience - you described all of this without flaw.

Really good write. I wish we were allowed more than 3 votes per week for nominations.

So, with the flashbacks it takes me to a psychiatrist office of you sitting on the couch, being hypnotized into remembering the past... you see it so often in movies! The imagery is so good here, it was like I was sitting there watching a movie.

"For the next half an hour I'm paralysed , feeling every touch."

- I've always wondered if being in that moment, remembering all those memories all at once... if you truly feel the pain you once felt. I'd say it's like reliving it all over again. It's thought provoking, love this line.

Great write, Tony!