Comments : Alongside the Cliffs

  • 11 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I find him in the sand,
    rocking back and forth
    while small clumps of
    yellowing grass
    hang onto
    his legs,
    ^This was interesting. I see someone struggling with life. The sand being like quick sand, they are slightly sinking. The yellowing grass made much sense to me, I felt like this was a way of saying that they are close to giving up perhaps, yellow almost brown, kind of like death or the end and hanging from this legs makes me think he's sitting on this cliff with these little threads of grass being like his last hope. Crazy how just a few lines could hold this much meaning!

    - that shake as
    drums thundering
    too long and hard -
    ^Either 'as' needs to be 'like' here or thundering should be 'thunder'...little bit of a verb agreement confusion here, I think?

    but I am here,
    yearning to hold
    only him.
    ^Shouldn't 'only' be onto? Sorry I'm picky. Haha. I did like this stanza though, you often think the prince rescues the princess here, but here it is the other way around. I like these bits often found in poetry, the unique opposite parts such as this.

    Your title originally did make me think of the cliffs that often hang above the ocean. I was basically on one when I went to California and it does make you feel super isolated, though the peace is lovely it does make you feel lonesome. I really think you took this thought the extra bit though, expanding on it and such. Good job!