The Void...A rant of pure emotion and thought at 3 a.m.

There is nothing deeper...nothing more tangible...nothing more personal and private...and impossible to ever describe, than The Void the loss of a mother leaves upon your very existence...for your actual soul is cut, wounded and bleeding...every aspect of "who you are" no longer makes sense....becomes unfamiliar and scary as if you suddenly became an abandoned baby...fawn, puppy, bunny, duckling, kitten...nothing can prepare you for the aftermath...the fear...the sadness and utter gut wrenching consuming sorrow..for that which gave you life, no longer is there to guide and teach...to pick you up when you fall or stumble, to always find you when you are terrified because you are lost...to give you the most unconditional and untouchable love that could ALWAYS MAKE IT ALL OK ...fix the most minute boo-boo...to nurture...comfort.. and protect NO MATTER WHAT the odds, situation or circumstance...to MAKE IT ALL BETTER when you thought there was no hope...there are no words....no one to replace...nowhere to go...no book to read...nowhere to turn anymore...that will EVER be able to "fix" you...or
anything ever again...because that one and only person was your mommy....and she is gone...and as so many have done before you...you must learn on your own and you will...in time...but what about the spaces in between??? what about all
those moments, minutes and seconds you now feel The Void you never did
before? Or maybe you did for an instant, like when you got lost in the mall
or when you needed to call for money or a ride or just an ear to confess
what you thought was the most awful thing in the world....but those were
just instances because she was there to fill The Void...and you forgot how
it felt because you could...because your Mommy was there...
Now, those instances become your everyday life...the darkest hours you have ever known...unexpected...confusing...so scary and alone because there is one
to turn on the light and hold you..pet you till u fall asleep and give you that unexplainable safeness ...comfort and bliss...that only your mother can give...no matter how old you are...no matter how far...without it, you will always feel The Void...alone and frightened in the dark in the middle of the night...when your mommy is not there to come for you when u cry...and it is that feeling....that one, in and of itself, that can even touch the surface, remotely comes close to describing how it feels to have The Void....forever....