Shadow

Judge comment:

A poem jam-packed full of bright visuals, it's a pleasure to read. I love the little bits of alliteration that helped this piece flow as smoothly as it did. I pictured a beach in Hawaii, tourists roaming the beach and not quite fitting in, but thinking they do anyway. There is something about tourists that can be charming but also frustrating, and I felt that in this poem, especially the end where it talks about feeling like a towel. Low man on the totem pole. I really enjoyed reading this!

"I love this. I'm very fond on how the author mentions colours throughout for it gives added visuals to the already wonderful imagery that is present. I thought this whole poem was beautifully put together. " slicing your lungs, stealing all space that's left for breathing. " The intensity here is marvellous, the author has managed to phrase this so that it really packs a punch and I find these lines to be my favourite. "Even behind sunglasses, it's hard to look them in the eyes," I thought these lines held a touch of sadness and that maybe the author is trying to hide from something. My favourite part of this has to be the imagery that is portrayed throughout as it easily leaves me able to visualise from beginning to end. I adore this."

To be honest, I'm not really sure if this piece adheres to the prompt. Well, except for the last part where you mention "where toes that couldn't dance belong".

Moving on, I think that this piece is as beautiful as its diction and imagery. Forget about the prompt, for I really, really like the way it is executed, and how you managed to paint that "beach moment" with your words.

On sunny days, you feel like a tourist;

^ What I've gathered from here is that summer makes you feel like a tourist- someone who is in need of break. It can also be interpreted as, during the hot season, you tend to procrastinate "[you chew on a canary-coloured straw" instead of drinking that mango juice], instead of doing the things you should actually be doing. "Preventing sugar" - preventing reality? Reality that perhaps, is a bit hard to swallow, hence, "slicing your lungs, stealing all space that's left for breathing".

Yet before you, are those
clad in caramel, celebrating
the carnival that's their body.

^ Could this be that you are indicating that you don't do well socially? But on the positive side, I think it could also be about admiring those that are with solid confidence.

..and those that possess radiance, "so much sunshine".

Despite of the sad and dramatic ending, I feel like you are trying to take it lightly, [maybe sarcastically], but above it all, I find it a bit humorous, hence, I think you only intend to mock yourself in a humorous way.

I love the use of alliteration throughout the poem. Those words enliven the poem, which are also fun to say aloud.

I love that you took this in a very different spin. The first stanza is so full of descriptive imagery, I love that.

Reading this piece I truly felt like I was on a beach, watching people. Laying in the sand, tropical drink in hand, and feeling.. maybe ashamed? The idea of not being able to look even with sunglasses. Maybe embarrassment for whats going on around you, or even like you feel beneath who these people or things are, like you don't quite fit in (like the towel on the sand.. you let them step on you).

I can take this in a lot of different ways and makes me wonder what your intention with that portion of the poem was.

Actually reading it in it's entirety again (I was reading piece by piece) it's a little more clear, duh. You're a tourist to your own life, which is bothersome obviously, because it's your life, you should own that. Natives don't usually like tourists, they stick out and do peculiar things that aren't the "norm" for the culture or society. I love that you brought tropic in, perhaps the Cuban inspiration behind it there.

Ramble, ramble ;) Love this!