Relapse

by Jenni Marie   May 20, 2013


I relapsed tonight. But it's okay.

Because sometimes, relapses happen, whether we really want them to or not. And I know this is just a hurdle, and one that I can overcome.
Yeah, I relapsed. I admit it and I'm not ashamed of it. It only makes me human, after all. And I bet if you knew, you'd roll your eyes and think "there she goes again." But you'd also think something along the lines of "I knew she couldn't do it. I knew she wouldn't pull through this. I knew she didn't have the strength."

Well, I do.

Sorry to burst your egotistical bubble that surrounds you, that you seem to think makes you better than the rest of us, but I repeat: I do have the strength. I'll say it again. I relapsed. So what? A relapse only proves that I am trying. If I wasn't, it wouldn't be called a relapse now, would it? And I'll overcome it, just like I have overcome everything else life has thrown my way. Keep throwing your stumbling blocks my way, I don't mind. Because they may cause me to stumble right now but we both know that eventually I'll leap and bound over them without a problem.

I tell myself daily "I am not weak or useless and I can do this. I can get there. I will get there." And whereas at first this was said in vain, wouldn't it sadden you to know that now I actually believe it and know it to be the truth? I may handle things in ways I shouldn't, and my coping mechanisms may not be the best. But eventually I will make it through this and prove what I said long ago.

"I can do this. I am better than this. I am better than you."

I wont beat myself up for this little relapse as I know you're hoping for, instead I'll accept it because I realise it's just another stepping stone on the way to recovery. A recovery that I will make, without your help. Because I don't need it. I admit, I still have feelings for you. I love you still, even now. But I don't need your help.

And I don't need you.

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Autumn Leaves

    I like this poem because it's a story many can relate to; although, I find this to be more like a story or a person venting on their mistake. It's true when we fall or relapse we feel bad, but the best thing that we can do is to get up and try again. When you think about it, if you were to fall down the stairs you wouldn't go to the bottom of the stairs, but you would get up and proceed up from where you fell.

    Inspirational write. ...AL

  • 11 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    Double post, sorry!

  • 11 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    You're absolutely right that a relapse is just a stepping stone towards recovery...it doesn't mean you have failed, it doesn't mean you will never fully recover, it's just a minor setback that will make you stronger and have more willpower to recover.

    Like you said, it makes you human... no one is perfect. You will heal fully in time, just have to have faith and patience.

    I really like this piece, it's pure raw emotion with hopeful and positive feelings instead of negative.

    I interpret this piece as a 'relapse' to a lover... going back to them when you promised yourself you wouldn't. You may love them, but you don't need them.

    Great piece!

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Yes, you are strong.
    And you can beat this. I know you can.

    This was powerful, and positive and shows how much strength you have.

    Keep yourself positive and look toward the future.
    Much much love xx

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