"like a flock of bird hurrying to"
bird = birds?

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Noura I have to say you are really finding yourself poetically. These last few poems you've written are heart wrenching, and I'm so sorry for your experiences that you're able to write something like this.. but it's been an amazing outlet, and I hope it's helping you in any way it can.

The emotion here is something no one can deny, it's blunt and hits you square in the jaw; we don't have to experience it ourselves to feel your pain. Great writers can do that, and you speak so powerfully here.

You have a lot of repetition that usually wouldn't work, but I think with the frantic feeling of this poem, it works really well (at least the way I read it in a hushed yet hurried pace). The ideas are seemingly all over the place but still tight-knit and mesh completely.

That first stanza absolutely blew me away; I've read it a few times to think about pieces to pull and highlight, but really pieces don't do the whole stanza justice. I love the creativity you used. The idea of passports, birds, guns calming down.. all of it like I said so seemingly scattered but you wrap it all together in this unique way.

I just can't say enough about this poem.

^^I think Britt said it all.

You're poems have always blown me away but I agree that you've found yourself and this piece really shows how you've grown and how you are laying your experiences down with a grace and beauty that is outstanding.

It is a heart wrenching write, and your experiences and troubles are evidently being expressed and I do hope that it helps you make sense, or at least find comfort...because when I read your poems, I immediately feel calmer, and together in myself and that is a strong thing to be able to express with words.

I really think this is one of the best poems incorporated the repetitiveness, as often it becomes too much but this was enough to make the reader see that pain and sorrow that is happening.

X

It is difficult to be stuffed with such passion and still pour out your heart in such an honest yet poetically virtuous way. Usually, I find that too much emotion clogs up the artistic pores and time/distance is needed for more perspective. But your writing is refreshing, heartfelt, and, lately, consistently beautiful and moving. I can't imagine how much conflict your soul has had to go through for you to write with such increased grit and maturity within such a short space of time. I admire how you set your words free, and how they still work so well together.

This is a beautiful piece, heart-wrenching and soul-tearing.

I felt as if I was seeing through the eyes of a strayer. The images were so vivid that made my heart ache with every word...

Once again, you do it epically.
xxx

Congrats on the win!!

Great example of sadness transformed into something beautiful.
Stay strong! x

Powerful

Very sad poem. realy sad one... make me sad also... this is the beauty of writer that can make feel reader what he feel. i realy loved sad poems. but this is unique and different. i wwant to tell you my favorite lines are

aybe we'll find jasmines
again under our pillows when we wake up.
The sun will wake up one day, too, tearing up
the sky, walking into this world, filling
the rooftops with its golden ashes. The smell of
incense will wake up, the pigeons of our
mosques will wake up.
They all will wake up
one day.

very hopefully written this line. welldone

Judge comment:

Noura has a way of pouring out all of herself in a poem and making it work, no matter what... and it's so clear in this poem. Poetically appealing but also so emotionally charged that it's hard to turn away from. Taking the shocking real-life experiences and turning the pain into words like this is such a powerful and strong thing, and says so much about the poet and her character. I could keep going but my critique won't do this poem justice. It's beautiful.

Judging Comment: Weekly Contest May 27, 2013

I wish I had more words to say about this poem, other than it's moving. The emotion emerges in every word and I can feel the sadness in the words but also I can sense sarcasm as well as anger and disappointment and lastly my favorite hope. This poem is filled with so many emotions that I seriously didn't pay attention to the metaphors. The poem just took my attention. This line stood up the most for me "may be we'll find jasmines again under our pillows when we wake up" the jasmine may be symbolic but they also give a sense of hope. Though, I heard that Jasmine is the symbolic flower of Damascus. Also I wonder to whom is the author addressing as "you" as well as "they" in "they will hate you, they will devour the moon," found on the last stanza. The "you" seems to be a place "Damascus" perhaps? I can also link that with the part about there's something about your streets" and also with the Jasmines and with many others hints given out on the poem, but I can't still figure out who are the other they? Aside from that I like that emotion in this piece. It's not exactly a vent or if it is it's one of those that are well done.

[Judging comment from week of 5/27/13]:

The ache my heart experiences while reading this poem is nothing compared to the hurt you must be enduring. This write alone speaks of the courage you have in writing about the present times, even the bloodshed, and surviving what may have just been another killing...
The rawness of this piece immediately grabs me, and the first stanza is gut-wrenching through the notion that this close person you have lost is still stuck in your life, everything you do, everywhere you look. As you said, you still cling to them, but you liberate him/her through words, exposing the truth and the sadness that people are so quick to accept deaths now.

This part was so gently written: "I painted you yesterday, when guns calmed down. I painted you in green and sky blue, and if they stopped death for another five minutes, I'd have drench your desert with more colours,"

- - - This is so profound! Not just the eloquence of this but the passion ignited. I feel you will run anywhere in the world just to be able to do this literally, as in your mind you have already attributed so many colours to this person.

Your third stanza just hits me in the gut. It reminded me of studying world history, and the ads for the war saying, "it's your duty", etc....such an atmosphere of pride and nationalism. But you bring a point out further that death, to a specific side, is highly encouraged. That money too often pays the price for a person's life.

The rest of your words just give me outright shivers. That anxiety, that need to shout it out, that rushed feeling to not be lost, and more importantly, that plea that people in this country will wake up and realize what they are doing.

A powerful write, each verse had emotion flowing so freely and personally.

Judge Comment:

Noura, leaves me full of tears, yet again! This lady can write a sorrow filled poem, full of in depth world issues and leave the reader mind blown! I admire that in poetry and I admire this lady's courage and strength! Not to mention her ability to creatively design a true Work of art in the poetic form!

I was blown away from the start with "air" being the essence of the person she writes for... that was creativity at it's finest. And the this line here took me to a depth of raw and realistic sorrow...

"We're so good at writing obituaries, aren't we?
We're so good at gambling and dying."

The power of these lines can make a rock cry... All hearts and souls are affected by death and suffering, this poem was uniquely formatted in such a way, that I feel deserves to be highlighted.

Touching piece from start to finish! Well done!!