Comments : Exhausted Dreams

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Life makes us tired, and we don't rest enough, we don't let ourselves be helped and looked after, we try to be strong for too long, we think too much, we don't understand enough and we forget how to love.

    This is such a deep piece, so sad and so emotionally charged, the tone is sombre and that ending, just so frustrating, "so tired".

    Penned so masterfully. x

  • 11 years ago

    by Darren

    There is real depth and a sense of a real tense atmosphere in this. i love how stanza one almost transports us into stanza two. great rhythm great imagery and great choice of diction so for me it ticks all the right boxes.

  • 11 years ago

    by Marcy Lewis

    Oh, how I've missed you. <3

    This is just so relevant for so many of our Free Spirits right now. And the dark-hallway-vacant-chill kind of combination in this is just beautiful, and so creative.

    "Her fortune forgot
    the path backwards,
    leaving her shoeless,
    breathless, and
    tired,

    so very tired."

    I feel the exhaustion melting from your pen here. Reading that almost gives you a "tired" sensation. It's one of the poems that almost elicits a physical reaction. I just love this. Nominated and in my favorites.

    Love you <33

  • 11 years ago

    by Wild Flower

    ^^
    I agree with Daren the tense in the poem is felt. So deep and so sad. You penned your emotions so perfectly that we the readers felt them.
    So perfect poem<3

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    This poem made me think of an older time period like it was set long ago and perhaps she has been so overworked as women were used back then for working all hours regardless of how run down they became.

    I feel the energy drain from the person here and feel empathy for the lady and hope she manages to get a surge of power back into her blood again. I like how you mention Paris, it gives us a little insight as to what her dreams are and perhaps what she is working towards. Like this little dream of hers keeps her going throughout this painful time when she sits alone in the dark.

    Very isolated and lonely poem, shows how people cling onto the hope of a better tomorrow just to get them through today.

    Nice read :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Meme

    I can sense the way she is feeling. The exhaustion and tiredness made it so real for us to relate to.

    Such a sad piece that poetically expresses the condition I for one is going through now!

  • 11 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    Just from the mention of crackles ... popping bones, maybe? like when you get up from the chair from sitting too long and your bones crack and pop... and then shackles, like she is tied down to this workload, like it'll never end... just the title and those two words got me already thinking heavily on this poem.

    "hardwood creepers
    whisper footprints along
    a corridor of
    brisk minds and
    evaporated thoughts."

    -Imagery heaven right here, I love it all.

    I interpret this like while working hard, cleaning maybe, mopping the floor and then someone walks with muddy footprints all along it... like the work you just done vanished before your eyes.

    Resting in the darkness, maybe hiding for a bit of peace... she twirls her pearls, which I'm assuming hold some significance, a special meaning to her...and thinks of Paris, maybe her goal, her dream to visit/live there soon. maybe that's the reason why she is working so hard and dealing with exhaustion so she can fulfill her fantasies. Afterall, if we want to fulfill our dreams, we have to work hard to achieve them.

    The ending definitely has a somber and bone-weary tone. :(

    I agree with Saffie that this poem has sort of an olden time feel to it...when women had a farm to raise, a house to clean and about 20 kids to raise as well... working nonstop to support her family the best she could.

    But her dreams kept a glimmer of hope that one day she would see Paris, that it would become real. Sometimes dreams are the only thing that gives us the willpower to pull through.

    I'm glad to see some new pieces from you, dear! <3