No freedom without Love

In the second Drafts, titles were being capitalized to note that this is a mixed form of titles being put together to make this poems, and Hannah Lizette is right it is no longer needed to be capitalized, since the latter is become a part of the poems, so it should be in lowercase unless it is the name of a person, time, places...

I usually like to mesh a few of Saffie's titles together, but wow you got all of them in one poem! Great job, very creative.

I read this earlier and was going to suggest that you broke them up into stanzas, so I seen that you already edited that...and it helped a lot. However, I would put a period behind a few of them to completely stop some of the stanzas, right now it's one big long sentence... and it sound be multiple sentences.

For example:

"A daring Moonlight sonata
burst its requiem
of a dying love,

Once an intruder
broke my Locked Heart,
and stole a Necklace of Love,"

I would put a period after Love. So it would complete the sentence.

Also, another suggestion... I wouldn't have the titles she gave you capitalized in this poem, because here they aren't being used as titled but as part of the poem. They are part of the sentences and when writing a sentence you don't have random words capitalized throughout unless they are names, cities, countries, etc.

For example:

"with Burning Desires
it seems Unwanted,
and pain Skin Deep,
that my opponent's shadow
Concealed Behind,"

I think it should look more like this ---

"With burning desires,
it seems unwanted
and pain skin deep
that my opponents shadow
concealed behind,"

Just a suggestion, though.

Good job, hope you can edit it a bit and make it into an even better poem! :)

In the first draft, i used commas to tell readers where to stop before jumping to the next line, but it in this case i broke them into stanzas so that reader may easily distinguish between stops and read.

Wow... I am impressed by this mix up of titles. I think what you have put together in the story is amazing and very creative.

For advice I have 2 things: your punctuation could be better to break the poem up, It needs some full stops instead of commas through out so that the reader can take a break and know exactly where to stop. A full stop gives a clearer impact for that small image of sentence.

The second thing is watch your tense when writing, so either stick tot he past or the present but do not swap them for each line, example:

Knowing that when Morning Sunrise came,
The Sun's Smile would washed away my fate,

- knowing = present
-came = past
would = present but washed = past

I would change it to ; The sun's smile will wash away my fate...

somehow there's a Tears Of a Warrior

- this should read there are tears of a warrior = plural for tears.

I really liked : When Hate surrenders at one Last Chance,
there is still a light,

- because it shows that hate does not heal, it does not offer a chance to move on for as long as we hold onto that. This states it in a powerful way which sinks in rather than your day to day description of hate being dangerous.

But as for the content of the poem, it is very touching and sad and shows so many heartaches from this person.

Very creative poem and I hope you enjoyed writing this. The whole idea of the title toss was to encourage creativity within the writing and you cracked it, well done.

This is from Saffie (Baby Rainbow) the originality of idea in capital letters were her titles and she owns the right for this piece.