Comments : Moon dance

  • 11 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Evening skyline shaded in crimson glory

    ^^I like this opening line. It surly paints a very beautiful evening!

    A couple of swans came to water's edge
    Gently gliding across pristine water lake

    ^^Swans are a majestic birds and to see them gliding across the water lake makes one feel like witnessing the queen herself! Nice portrait.

    Sunlight faded away spreading darkness
    Moon delightfully rose behind mountains
    Refreshing breeze blew over calm waters
    Dispersing springtime scent of meadoows

    ^^Another nice image of night taking over the sky so quietly as it presents the moon along with the scent of springtime...that is simply calm and soothing. By the way you might want to remove the extra "o" in meadows.

    Danced gracefully as a charming ballerina
    Luna's rays lighted up the mystical silence

    ^^This ending is another lovely picture of mother nature's beauty. To see the rays dancing upon the lake is a beauty hard to capture but it is beautifully illustrated here.

    Overall I liked the smoothness of the read and the subtle rhymes you have used..an enjoyable nature poem :)

    • 11 years ago

      by Henry

      Thank you a lot for reading and leaving detailed comments on this poem.

  • 11 years ago

    by Mohan

    You created a wonderful style for you, after the sunset the darkness rises this is really nice.
    I like the nature poems if it is in this style.

    • 11 years ago

      by Henry

      Thank you so much for your encouraging comments,Mohan.

  • 11 years ago

    by JaneDoeWrites

    Speechless, this first caught my attention because of a strong love I have for astronomy.. when reading it I wasn't disappointed with the elgance and formal structure of this piece. Favortied!

  • 11 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Judging comment:

    "This is such a gorgeous poem! The scenery created throughout this piece is marvellously done and crafted perfectly, so that it leaves the reader free to imagine the settings that the author is describing in what seems such an effortless way. The whole poem leaves me with such a contented feeling and leaves mw with a smile after reading it. The only thing I didn't like was that the first two lines had a rhyme pattern which was quickly lost after that once the author expanded into free verse for the remainder of the poem. other than that however I thought this was beautiful and look forward to reading more of this author's work."

    • 11 years ago

      by Henry

      Thank you so much for commenting , Jennie Marie.

  • 11 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judge Comment:

    Henry is a new author to my eyes, and I have to say he crafted a breathtaking nature piece. The flow was elegant, and discriptive.

    Throughout this piece there is a scattered rhyme shceme, not sure if the author intended for it to be that way, but its very fun to pick it out, and I find that very unique, which is why I chose this poem to be highlighted.

    The word usage is enchanting and melodic; such as- "Ballerina, mystical, orbs" are just a few of the eye catchers in this piece, and to create a moon poem with elegance, those are perfect word choices. Beautiful nature piece by Henry

    • 11 years ago

      by Henry

      Thank you very much for your detailed comment, Maple Tree.