Motherhood Gone Wrong

by Baby Rainbow   May 30, 2013


When you were a child and you played with your dolls, do you remember thinking what being a mum would be?
Do you remember dreaming of holding your child, and loving them with every ounce of love you had?
Did you dream of creating memories
that she would remember forever more?
Did you hope and pray that she would know your love for her would grow each day?

Did you ever imagine things would be like this, that you would let her down in the worst possible way?
When you first held her in your arms,
did you feel the greatest connection on earth?
Did you promise yourself that you would devote your life to the life of your child?
Did you feel the love for her that she always felt for you, that special bond that no other can replace?

And I wonder where it all went wrong?
I wonder about your love, and when you first turned it into hate?
When did the last gentle cuddle become the first hard punch that left bruises on her skin?
When was the last "I love you" and why did it have to change into " I wish I never had you"?
Why did you have to take those drugs in order to survive?
Was she never good enough to be your reason to live?

And how could you just stand by and laugh when you watched those men steal her youth?
Why did you not try and protect the innocence that you brought into this world?
How on earth could you sleep at night, knowing she was crying her heart out, curled up in the same cold bed that carried so much of her blood?

And when she died, her body lying there, how could you even dare pretend that you always cared?
What gave you the right to touch her skin that yesterday you scarred with rejection and neglect?
How hard was it to force those tears
and pretend that you'd miss her?

When you were a child and you played with your dolls, did you know what kind of mother you'd be?
Did you ever think you would walk away and break your daughter's heart?
Do you remember dreaming of beating her black and blue and ignoring her desperate cries of pain?
Did you ever think you would damage her soul so much that she would take her own life?
Did you ever imagine that she would say goodbye to you before you got the chance to see her live?

But I tell you now and I tell you true,
the saddest thing you will never know:

For every day she struggled through,
she never once stopped loving you!

Saffie
22

30/5/13

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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by Zabadak

    Jeez! What a poem! You are a cracking writer Saff! Straight to the point; it expresses how you feel extremely well! Frank and brutal! Only an intelligent mind could write with such quality, depth, breadth and emotion! Pity she didn't see it, or did you make sure she could? What is it with some people? How can they do these things to others, particularly those they say they love?

  • 11 years ago

    by Redangelwings

    I must say this is one of the saddest poems I have ever read. It hit my heart hard because I do somewhat relate to this. I have been abused a lot in my life. To cause the death of your own daughter though is really sad and unforgivable. I can't believe someone would do this. You had so much courage to write about your friend and that is sweet and it shows how much you care about her and loved her dearly. I saw no flaws here. The last two lines hit my heart the most because the are so powerful and a bit of a twist. The way you use imagery though is brutal but beautiful. Its horrific how much this person's mom just hated her. There is no sense in needless violence. You bring your friend to life though because no matter what she went through she still loved with her heart. Again you have so much strength to share this story with us. Your friend will always live on through your poems and heart. You are beautiful. 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Meme

    You know how much that poem touched me Saff, its one of yours that I keep going back to read again and again. Something in it just kept me linked to the hurt you felt. But then this one came .... OMG, I wonder if she read your questions what would she feel now? Would she understand the pain and struggle of her daughter?

    I know how much she meant to you, and how hard it must have been to write this poem but you nailed it. Your emotions still feel so raw as if it just happened yesterday!

    I am sure I will be visiting this poem again.... <3

    xxxx

  • 11 years ago

    by Rusheena

    First off, let's get the technical stuff out of the way... In the last line of the first stanza, there's an extra "her" in "your love for her would grow each day?"

    Now, back to the story... WOW, Saffie. The things you go through break my heart. This brought tears to my eyes, and that last line will stick with me for a long time...

    The third stanza took a drastic turn, and it really caught off guard because I thought that this would be a memorial poem, like something to comfort the mother. I like that introduction, giving us a glimpse of what a real loving parent should look like before abruptly exposing the ugly face of the reality. That caught me off guard and drew me in. I wasn't long; it actually read pretty quickly. And I should know because I'm a slow reader. But even if it was long, I would've read it anyway because I knew you put your heart into this one, more so than usual.

    The world is full of cruel and selfish, and some of the worst of them, unfortunately, are responsible for other human lives. All I can say, don't harbor any hatred for that woman. It won't help you or hurt her. But I'm glad that you addressed her and let her know how you feel and let her know that her daughter still loved her, even after everything her mother put her through. That's what real love and forgiveness looks like, and that's something to take from this tragic story. Thank you for sharing this, Saffie.

  • 11 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    My.Dear.God...

    I have bawled my eyes out this morning over this, Saffie. My heart... hell, your heart, I don't see how you were even able to write this...but I'm so glad that you did, that you kept your promise to her to share Linzi's story. That's a true best friend. <3

    Just disgusts me what kind of 'mother' this woman was to her... I just can't even think about it right now.

    I'm not going to break this down and tell you my thoughts, I would ramble three pages long.

    Just know that she is looking down at you, Saff... she is so proud of you, I just know it. <3

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