Blanketed

Blanket these feelings, please, I beg of you
I cannot bear to feel the sting of another crack in my heart,
You mean so much, and I feel so small, that I belittle myself in order to
Put things into perspective; all these things come apart
To reveal the truth in these words I speak to the empty room
That consumes me and drowns me like in all my dreams
They all heartbreakingly assume
I walk alone by choice, but nothing is as it seems.
In order to keep alive the idea that I am just a hateful girl,
I turn my cheek to anything resembling a chance at happiness
Burning all my smiles, searing away all the traces of love I had in this world
Leaving behind nothing but ghastliness.
As long as I am here, I will never be anything
But the shell of who I want to be
Something inside me, something vital, is missing
I could never be anything close to amazing.
I blanket these feelings, afraid more now than ever before
And put my heart to sleep before it can register its own beating
Its visible dreams I will always secretly adore,
But soon you'll see that I am retreating.