Losin it

I sit alone
thinking it all
was i really here
what have i done,

I see my red eyes,
my pale yellow face,
no one is here,
to say i love you dear,

my fear is taking over,
my life has become hard,
i see your face awake,
trying to forget the past,

I hate when this happens,
cant take it anymore,
i need a knife,
to let the pain go,

I see my moms face,
died with pain,
she had a condition,
to hard to gain,

Never said goodbye,
now I'm going to say hi,
in my heart i push it in,
feeling my body rot away,

The grave i have dug,
the life i have lead,
has left me in tears,
far from truth said,

I see it all again,
to hard to overcome,
there i lie i can see from above,
watching my self buried,
watching it all live,

I push my self to limits,
where no one will arise,
to far from gone,
to far from here,

There i stand next
to my own body,
victim i am also,
guilty i have become,
to hard to admit the truth,
the young girl i have become!!!!

please rate this poem it will mean alot to me!