Spoken Word

Judging Comments June 10, 2013

Quiet the mouthful, I found this poem to be unique and personal. When I read it I gather different thoughts from it,
but the one that stood out to me the most was that no one is really happy with what one has. We always seem to want something else, however, I can sense sadness in this poem. I interpret this piece as the narrator wanting a soft voice to wash away the hurt from people, but since it seems she doesn't have it, she tries to use sweet words to contra-rest it. I just want to say that I think it is not the accent or the voice one has that can wash away pain. I feel that it is the intention and the warm feeling that allows us to come up with the right words and at the same time make someone feel a little better if not, better. I think it's all about being meaningful and caring about other people's feeling. And I feel that's the dilemma the narrator experiences; if she says exactly how she thinks, she may hurt someone, so instead tries to sugarcoat her words and perhaps by doing so, the overall message may have gotten lost. It's difficult to know the right words to say what we think but honesty is always appreciated. By the way, I love your imagery. I can also be totally wrong with my interpretation but I feel it's in relation to what I am thinking.

Why do I get the feeling that you are not happy with yourself? I guess it makes for some great poetry because I always love your creativeness but...find the beauty within yourself for....I'm sure it's there?

My voice isn't quite the way I want it to be:
soft, like a Scotch mist, but also pounding
on pavements, washing away all hurt and dirt
that's left in this intermezzo of dancing
tin cans and newspapers - pushed in line
to illustrate how scarred words can be.
^^
I was a telephonist for many years and people said they loved my voice...personally I didn't care for it much and still don't...very nasal sounding to me but the point I'm trying to make...we always pick on things about ourselves that others find quite charming.

Must say I did really like your comparision to tin cans and newspapers...things that tend to blow in the gutter forgotten at the end of each day....maybe you feel that way about yourself too?

Instead it scrapes, like a spoon
at the bottom of a Ben and Jerry's bucket,
forces its way into too much sugar,
and waitlists New Year's resolutions
till months muscle into new skin again.
^^
I'm guessing Ben & Gerry is ice cream...not familiar with this product but I think I know what you're saying...we all make these resolutions to stop/give up something but...sometimes we fall back on them for comfort or some other reason...that's pretty normal.

It makes me wonder, if my throat
will ever megaphone pretty pronunciations,
or whether my accent will leave me
tongue-tied, in the presence
of meaning.
^^
So...You have an accent thât perhaps does not fit in with the environment you are living in...it may feel like a problem right now but it's what makes you unique and slightly different from the rest. Hopefully, someday you will actually like that fact...I hope so.

As usual...thoroughly enjoyed this one from you :)

Your creativity just kills me. You seem to write a lot of poems about fitting in.. as though you stand out in a way you don't seem desireable.. though your words and brain makes you stand out in a way that puts you poetically above so many..

Your images are my favorite, and the real feeling of your poetry. Scotch is always perceived as smooth, but I've tried it and it doesn't settle quite as well as I thought.

Words definitely do hurt but when it's backed with a genuine tone it seems to hurt a little less, or at least pull the sting out of it. Thats immediately how I took the ending of your first stanza.

I love the second stanza, the fat kid in me just loves Ben n Jerrys, ha! But here I felt like you feel too.. rushed. Too ready to be done with something. Or you sugarcoat your words to just get a conversation over with.. I do that a lot in my job lol. I love the line about muscle into new skin again. Like the words said previously hurt you, you hurried through the conversation overly gracious, and now you need time to heal.

Then the ending wraps up.. will you ever be who/what/where you want to be? Will you have courage to say what you want and what you really mean, regardless of feelings?

I could be TOTALLY off base with this lol, but it was just so interesting and took me on this weird journey. Just loved it.