Her Walls Are Up

I really really loved this poem. A beautiful expression of emotion.

I would like to comment on squirrleys' comment.u read poetry like someones dissertation.I'm all for good writing which makes for better reading.more important though is the PERSON behind the write and the heart,conviction conveyed.I love this piece. know why?she opened herself;shared her heart,pain,thought.PEOPLE is what this art is about and in her poem I've met someone.human feeling,connections,expression.that's what it's all finally about.the "art" is just a bloody medium.

There's a girl that you would never notice.
She sits by you and smiles,
but you wouldn't guess
Inside she's crying.

^ good intro. I like how you direct this piece to the entirr audience as if all of them have gone to school with you for years. I also like the play on happiness and sorrow in the same stanza. Way too many pepple fake smiles now... it kills me...

This girl's heart has been
used, messed with, and broken
for so many years that she
built a wall around it and
pretended she was fine.

^ again so many people can relate... i like the flow here and the point you make. Good job.

The girl cried every night
until she ran out of tears.
She stayed up every night
replaying every insult she'd ever been called. N
obody even knew.

I think this one is a little wordy , but could easily be made smoother.

The wall this sad girl built
was higher that you could imagine
and more heavily guarded
than the White House.
She refuses to let anyone in.

^ interesting analogy ... but i guess it works... though it is a bit destracting( ok a lot distracting )

She doesn't want
to let anyone in and
then have them abandon her,
like so many have done
in the past.

I like this one vut it made me so sad that you lumped meg and i in this group of everyone ...

Her walls have gone up,
her mouth has shut,
she won't talk to you.
Don't try to get to know her,
because she is gone.

^ i like the way you endes the piece... it sticks with the audience.

Ok so i know i botched up your stanzas but im commenting via my phone so dont kill me. I only did this so i could point out your strong points as well as the areas to improve. Your style was good but your flow was choppy. Your words could have been stronger. Amd your voice really does shine, though i am curious how this would be in first person.

So many pieces are written like this thay it is pretty much white noise... i know you write for personal satisfaction and relief though so i guess it doesnt matter either way.

Fair write.

With love,
Squirrely