Amsterdam

by Aaron   Jun 3, 2013


Last night I had dreams of Amsterdam.
Red lights, coffee shops, cannabis.
White girls, with Dutch accents, telling me
of how they never loved a brown man.
I could see those words to be true,
but such words, on these ears, were nothing new.
At any other time I would've been the wiser
but Amsterdam you hypnotized me:
your daisy lips,
canal street eyes,
windmill hips;
I fell in love.

Amsterdam, I fell not in love with such gifts
you were graced with, but with you, the thought, the essence.
A man looking from the outside can find a thousand yous,
but what you possess on the inside is rare...

As time has a tendency to pass, it did
and with it I realized the daisy fields behind the cottages
were a facade. Your cup of tea, so to speak,
was more along the lines of brothels and prostitution,
and for a while I accepted that,
but a man can only give so much
when next to nothing is given in return.

You seemed to be the girl of my dreams,
now you only haunt my dreams.

I reached the heavens and procured a star,
such ownership was brief
as it belonged not on Earth
but where it was acquired;
play things of the gods,
such feeble a man is not meant to have such treasures
as I once had you, Amsterdam...

The girl of my dreams,
now you only haunt my dreams.

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  • 11 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judge Comment:

    I've read this several times and each time I take new angles with it... The depth of this love poem is intense, beyond intensity at it's finest.

    Aaron has taken this angle and message to new heights, of a love for the heart and deception of life's hardships...

    To be in love with someone who can't commit for any reason is heartbreaking. The wording and flow of this piece is outstanding. Beautiful and touching poem.

    The subtle rhythm and soft rhyme hidden within this piece makes it unique... I love the repetition of Amsterdam, for its used as her name in response to maybe where she lived or resided at the time. This is what I love most about this poem, is that it takes you on a journey to want to know more about the woman in this piece. Truly adore this!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    [Judging comment from week of 6/10/13]:

    I've never been to Amsterdam before or seen any pictures of this country, but you bring such spirit and images to the eyes! It's quite wonderful.

    "Any other time I would of been the wiser
    but Amsterdam you hypnotized me:
    your daisy lips,
    canal street eyes,
    windmill hips;
    I fell in love."

    - I liked the "young" touch of this, like you could not control yourself and before anyone could stop you, you were just caught by this glorious sight.
    Great, unique visuals!

    "As time has a tendency to pass, it did
    and with it I realized the daisy fields behind the cottages
    were a facade."

    - There is such a character maturation here, realizing beauty can have the ability to distract and make us give our strength away and take away our barriers, morals, values....

    "but a man can only give so much
    when next to nothing is given in return."

    - Such a true, humanistic line. I loved this and it speaks volumes.

    I also liked the repetition of "girl of my dreams", how this country embodies the fullness of the woman and the way she entered your life so surely. The ending definitely made me feel as if you saw this relationship as a glorious gift, but now it is turning into something more darker, more selfish, not what you wanted to get into at all from the beginning.

    There were a few grammar errors I saw where a few of the structure of the lines had a word or two missing to grant flow but otherwise, neat write with a creative metaphor of Amsterdam! Keep writing.

  • 11 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Judging comment:

    "I read this several times and each time I did so I found myself even more awed than previously. The depth in this poem is something I haven't seen/felt for a long time when reading poetry and I just love how the author pulled all of this together. It's unique, it's moving, and brimming with imagery from start to finish. I don't believe I've had the pleasure of reading this author before now but if this poem is anything to go by I can see them quickly becoming a favourite as I think this is one poet to watch out for. My only complaint is the repetition of dreams here: "You seemed to be the girl of my dreams,
    now you only haunt my dreams." and then once more as the closing lines, I felt it was used too many times."

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    Judging comments:

    The first I've read from this poet and I was pleasantly surprised. The first stanza specifically is beautiful and SO full of images it just tickles the senses. The third stanza struck me the most and was my favorite poetically. I see bits and pieces that I would personally fix, but I will do those privately. I like the ending how it's repeated earlier... brought that feeling home. Very nice piece!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    I like how you have used a country after a woman. This read can be taken in two ways and the description of a beautiful place paints also a picture of a woman and how the heart pines for that person/place. I like this whole piece from start to finish...congrats on the win :)

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