Comatose Silence

Well seems like you have the best comments anyone could ask for already but ill through my two cents in. i really loved your poem mainly because you painted a picture for us.

My haunted eyes spring open
as my trembling body leaps up
from my icy bed.

my favorite part because i knew that your poem was about to get real and fast. i am a very depressed person at times and reading this hit home and thats why i read in a sense. to see if i can relate to other peoples pain. real or not i needed to read this and i thank you. loved it

First stanza: Great opening with wonderful imagery... I see you practically jumping out of bed with fear from your very real nightmare. I like the mention of 'icy bed'...it really shows off the frozen in fear image.

Second stanza: Sweating profusely even though your blood runs cold with fear..once again great imagery. I like how you haven't truly given the details of what you are so terrified of, it leaves it up to the reader to interpret, maybe plug in their own fears.

Third stanza: The image of you sitting in bed, crying... very sad.. and it shows that this nightmare was so realistic that it brought you to tears.

Fourth stanza: Images of the nightmare or images of past memories... it's no longer just a nightmare, it's a reality... it's a past that haunts you. You captured the adrenaline very nicely here.

Fifth stanza: I love "comatose silence" ...it's very haunting and it definitely captures your fear... maybe fear of talking about your fears... this nightmare, your past.

Ending: You can't tell the difference between what is real and what is a nightmare anymore, you are trapped in-between these two worlds. I love how you separated the last line, it definitely stands out and shows that you are so torn, so confused.

I really like this write, Saffie! It's very relatable because I've had my past seep through my nightmares and all those memories, the terror of it all, just floods back.

Love this! I like that you didn't put a face to the source of your terror, not directly anyway. I think that makes it more suspenseful for the reader because we get to share the tension with the speaker, but we're still in the dark about what's causing it.

I love stories about fighting inner demons and trying to overcome the darkness from one's past, but this has an even deeper meaning. The speaker seems plagued something that she can't physically avoid. Even when she shuts her eyes, it's still there. It also seems that she's on the verge of a mental breakdown. She's lost touch with reality, so she's accepted that her nightmares have become her new reality. There's nothing she can do to change what is happening to her, but she seems to be accepting that. Great writing, Saffie :)