Tears Of The Sun

I really like how you chose to write this in a child's point of view...you used perfect word choice, nothing too complicated or hard to understand... and also the repetition of words was a wonderful addition because children repeat the same words/phrases a lot due to their limited vocabulary.

First stanza: Instantly heart broken by this first stanza... the child quietly listening in their bed and can hear their mummy's sobs through the walls, them praying to the sun to take away her tears. I assume you used sun instead of the moon (which would be expected since it happened last night) because sun is a sign of happiness, of hope... praying for hope that the next day will be full of smiles instead of tears.

Second stanza: The child's daddy died in the war, maybe not truly understanding what that means yet... just knowing that he will not be coming home. He watches his family members cry and once again prays to the sun to soak up their tears.

Third stanza: His sister's birthday will forever be scarred due to the death of their father... her wish, which could have been having her father home for her birthday, will never be granted.

Fourth stanza: He put on a brave face, he realizes that he has to be a big man now and take care of his family, just like his Dad did.

Ending: Him and his family have to take say goodbye to him tomorrow... and he thinks of his Dad how that he won't be crying anymore because every time that his father deployed he would pray to the sun to take away the tears.

Very touching write, Saffie. Absolutely breaks my heart and makes one think of all those kids who have to say goodbye to their Daddy/Mommy when they deploy, wondering if they will ever come home.

Sometimes you have to keep repeating a line to make youself heard and from a child's view point (which I believe you were going for here ) you have kept it simple as their vocab is limited so the repetiton worked for me.

To me the mention of the sun brings hope for a day when this will al be over and after some time a family that has suffered such a tragedy can move on one day...my take on the sun being so prominent here is that it will always rise so it could take many of them for the healing process to take place..just my thoughts :)

The title surely was eye-catching, as it isn't something that's imaginable, so it made me curious to your explanation of what these sun-tears could be.

Must say I was already surprised upon reading the first stanza, as I didn't expect the poem to be so very reality-based and raw (expecting something more abstract, due to the title). I thought it was interesting how you structured your poem, repeating the last word of each first and third line. I think for some it might be too much but to me they really emphasize the voice of a child, especially in the first few stanzas it's crucial because it reminds the reader to read this in a child-like tone.

Funny thing is that I didn't really notice that you were repeating the last line of each stanza, too. Only after re-reading did I see this, since I was pondering about the title again. I took the last line's meaning both litrally and figuratively. When the sun comes up it will dry up one's tears. But the sun could also symbolize a new day/hope/a better future and these things would cause the people to be less sad, hence the tears are taken away. It adds a nice dimension to the overall poem.

The only criticism I really have is the title, since it still doesn't make much sense after reading your poem. Makes me think that these people you mentioned in your poem are suns? That's what the grammar is indicating anyway. =p

The title is amazing.
The story of this poem is so heartbreaking!!!
I love the wording it portrayed it very well.

Great job Saff:)