Unsung heroes

Thank you so much for the detailed structural criticism brought out very diligently. Yes I do agree on all your concerns and it is my way of writing because when an idea comes, I do write it right away and voila this is the result..

Thanks so much

Immediately drawn by the title right away, I felt a sadness and knew this would be a poem brimming with emotion and a personal tribute.

"Your future hang"

- "hang" should be plural here

"to make up for the torrid
love affair of morning and night
of a dream that seems to dwell
on all your sorrows
on a life you wish you had"

- Wow. I'm practically speechless on these five lines. I like how you personify in a way the morning and night, their relationship that describes the triumphs of love but also the very tangible struggles. I also like the way you worded this "a dream that seems to dwell on all your sorrows"....that makes me think the true dream you have is hidden by what you've come to expect, and not realizing there is so much better out there for you. It's interesting how this is not specific, but it pulls the reader in, though you don't explain the situation word for word, there is a sort of sorrow that is very fully expressed.

"up until now
your child that has to be born"

- Would sound better "that has yet to be born?"

"yet on a future of uncertainties"
- Don't see the need for the "yet" here, seems awkward.

"you built your strength
on their hopes that their years
will count for generations
unlike you.."

- I am positive now that this person has convinced himself/herself that they have less value...so he/she believes his/her children will have much more potential. I feel the wear and tear of this person, how horrible it must be to think that way, in such sadness.

"it has to end right here
among the shadows of
torment and hopelessness
in a foreign land
where you haven't a clue on
how they spell, write and say
i love you"

- Like how love is captured here... that it IS diverse, and some people have no way how to make that love known, which can rip at a person's heart.

"but you knew, as you were
facing the front lines
of whose sides you would stand on
their truth or yours, like
it makes a difference
knowing it will be right"

- Knowing what will be right? Shouldn't it be "knowing who will be right"

"this war that divides
whose supposed to have
the truth of who's wrong and who
is more deserving to be right, but
did you know?"

- "whose" should be "who's"
- I feel this is a bit too vague. You already mention in previous lines that the difference of who's right and wrong doesn't matter. I felt this was a bit repeated.

"even them who's lives you took
speaks the same sorrows
and pain you caused"

- Not sure about "them", it sounds weird when reading aloud, not sure if it should be "they"? Also, I think "speaks" should be singular. Sorry for all the grammar! Just pointing some suggestions out.

"they, too, have a heart,
have a soul that is pierced
by the bullet of hatred
we sustained believing
that their death is our
prize for freedom.
if you only knew.."

- I like how you bring out more of your perspective and kind of take a twist in showing the reader we can't hold this belief that death is the way to freedom in every case... it's definitely hard to think about because there are people who will take it literally, a life for a life isn't worth it, then people who look at the big picture, what will give more protection to our nation.

I was unsure if the man in the beginning was the one who's life was about to be affected, who was about to be shot in war, after reading the end... but in the beginning I believed he was the warrior fighting, and harboring this remorse and sadness for taking lives in hopes to build up the next generation.

Honorable, thoughtful write. Good job! My biggest suggestion would be to separate into stanza's or have periods. Since you are the author and no one can tell you what to change because you make the ultimate decision, this is just my opinion. I thought it flowed well with limited punctuation, but there were obvious breaks in some of the lines where you started another thought.

Thanks for sharing, keep writing!