Ocean View

This is a pretty good poem, great first try at tanka I might add. with any short poem you want to fill the head of the reader with imagery and I believe you did that well here. The first line does a great job in detailing what the poem is actually about and anyone can see going from the title and the first line, it is dealing with the ocean and the view it holds. Point of view poems are one of a kind because not a lot of people do them anymore. you can read this poem and feel like you are right there looking at the ocean floor and it is a sight to behold. well you also know there is a chill in the air and it could be the start of winter at dusk or dawn. But with your first attempt you did well to put the picture into the readers head and detail the way you feel while looking at the ocean. well crafted write!

Excellent uses of imagery here, you teally made it seem sp much easier to visualize. Its a very simple piece but i love it(honestly dont know why) Ive spemt ten minutes reading and rereading this one, i cannot find anything negative to say at all. Nice write.

Wow this makes me think so much of being in Maine close to the ocean! great poem

I love Tanka.

The first line is perfect!
The next line I personally don't like you used the word today..(because they filled it yesterday, last year and tomorrow too.) I would have used Your line of

"Fill the ocean floor beneath...
Or

Glimmer on the ocean floor (7 syllables)

The winter cold air
Blows gracefully over this
Beautifully stunning view

I hate to see tanka stop with "this" on a line

The winter cold air
(The cold winter air)
Blows gracefully over (this) top
(A) Beautiful stunning view.

Tanka is tricky but you have done well with your first one. These are only suggestions. Since you are restricted on syllable count, make each one matter!

Tanka on friend.
:)
Lostlove~

I agree this is very beautiful imagery. This is a very good poem Tim. Tankas are semi hard to write its hardto be rrestricted. I love the ocean there are so many posibilities for it well done 5.