This** unruly compound in which my heart is bound**
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Just remember these are only changes I would make but you don't have to use them :) You do a great job at starting off your works it seems like, dark and yet not so dark.
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The feeling is profound...
*One that's renowned and truly cruel,
As I sit alone my breath is the only sound
Residue on my mind from when you were around...
Enshrined and entwined with dark thoughts not far behind
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Again the only edits I can find are sentence structure so the thought flows across more smoothly, but beyond that this has some very awesome imagery.
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The feeling is defined by waking up in bed alone,
a shaved head, long stares, and a lawn that's overgrown* ((line was too long)
There's not a needle in the world that could fix these tears,
not a prayer in a million that could give me those years back* ((line was too long)
My heart is black, and hard as a rock**
No blood in my veins, its all Amber Bock
The feeling is a desolation of my decimating isolation
And one that you catch every heartbreaks rotation
The sensation of stagnation post elation
You did it again
There ya go
Standing ovation
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I'm not quite sure how much editing you want me to do with the lines, so I'll just review x)
Very nice lines and imagery, it really flows like a wave if that is such a thing... But you did a great job at it. Keep going! 5/5
Tis beautiful. The beginning sucked me in like a black hole, surrounding me with wonder and darkness from start to finish, then spitting me out completely amazed. I love it. 5/5