Smoke

by nouriguess   Jun 25, 2013


From lung to mouth
to the air. I try to write your
name.
It's five in the morning and
we have nothing but
cigarettes.
They're going crazy outside,
they're killing and dying and killing
and replacing the pigeons in the
mosques with RPGs.
I'm watching
you watching the news, and I'm safe,
dusting time off my heart.

Put out your cigarette,
turn off the lights.
Everything will end
tomorrow.

    report violation
3


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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello

    Another beautifully delicate and detailed write from you.
    Your poetry has a way of transporting the reader and making them feel like they are there.

    Wonderful
    All the best
    Ben

  • 11 years ago

    by Steven Croat

    It has strange mood , but it is great! I enyoj it! Good piece, well written poem!

  • 11 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judge Comment:

    Noura has done it again! Explosive and powerful piece in regards to a war torn country, aching with emotions. I am in awe of her pen! She has crafted a visionary masterpiece!
    The metaphor of smoke, cigarettes, and emotions of sorrow echo throughout this piece.

    It's small and power packed. Her ending is impeccable! Truly a powerful piece!

    "I'm watching
    you watching the news, and I'm safe,
    dusting time off my heart."

    ^^^ this stanza here is very significant to this piece in my opinion, it creates a sense of peace, and yet the ending has such a closing statement-

    "Put out your cigarette,
    turn off the lights.
    Everything will end
    tomorrow.

    Welcoming of yet another day of sorrow... just a mind blowing and tear jerking poem! Well done Noura!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Sincuna

    Dusting time off my heart

    ^ this really sticks to me. Unused for quite some time.... Liked the mood and the aura of this piece. It has a ghost like atmosphere to it.

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Feel bad for not leaving a comment earlier Noura, it's been a while but I did read this piece.

    I almost sensed a "tired" feel in this poem. I really like how you began the piece, like you are finding peace in this person and you want to keep them within your heart. The reality that there are killings, maybe even right outside your home, is certainly unsettling and like you are waiting with this person while the war is raging around you. Loved the finality of the ending lines, how sure you are.

    Not sure the meaning... I at first thought "everything will end tomorrow" will mean the lives around you, and there will be a stillness or silence when the war is done, but the civilians are dead. OR you meant the war will end, the violence and somehow that anger will be vanished like the smoke.

    Eloquent and meaningful write as always! Take care.

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