In the Dark

Whenever I say goodnight to you,
The absence of your words leaves
My mind to wander and think
About who I am and who you are.

I lay in my bed for hours on end
Trying to distinguish what you see
In the mortifying person that is me
And I cannot grasp what that thing is.

I tell you that I draw or write, and I do,
But all the while the thoughts gallop through
And bring to life the insecurity I banished
But was never fully dissipated.

Your sweet words brush along a sensitive spot
In the heart I made stone. How you broke through my walls
I can never know, it terrifies me
As I lay in the dark.

I am not much as a person,
No. I show you glimpses at what I could be.
At night I feel a sense of... Reluctant emptiness
Like I could never truly be enough for such a lovely person.

As I lay in the dark, I search my ceiling
For answers to where the thoughts come from
It stares back, whispering louder than before
That I am simply not enough.

Why is the one darkness I cling to
The thing that is ruthlessly determined
To break me down each night
After I say goodbye to her lullaby words?