Comments : The First Smile

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    Just smile, one only loves once, but we smile all the time. :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This is one poem I can't comment on each and every line or take apart certain stanzas. It's gorgeous! I love your style, it's a breath of fresh air to take in and just sit back....I'm definitely a hopeless romantic lol, and the first things I would think about in my future, looking back, would probably be that first kiss, where and when, as well as the first place I met them. The way you introduce this smile is eloquent and pure, like there is nothing better in the world than to relive this smile. Now that you bring this to my eye, it is the simple gifts of life that may be abundant but are taken for granted. A smile can do so much though, change a person's mood, day, life their heart up.

    I feel you also bring a dose of reality....I was holding my breath when you spoke of the two strangers, riding the train, eyes meeting, then looking away....I can easily imagine I would have the courage to engage in a conversation, but if we have that limited chance we might not take it. Life moves fast and we may miss it.... I like the idea, a bit melancholy though, of it being more hidden, " a story for ghosts" and asking to remain that way, as if there is something more glorious and precious about re-discovering and appreciating for the first time.

    So glad to read this, your thoughts flowed beautifully and took my breath away, from tracing back to childhood to possible regret of not taking that initiative to the softness of a hidden smile. Happy you shared this & nominating as soon as I can!

    Take care :]

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    "to rappel down one's lips"

    That is SUCH an interesting way of writing it. Really beautiful. I love how you first stanza really focuses on the lust. We always talk about our first kiss. The passion, the romance, the gushing feelings coming with it. But do we talk about the way we feel because of their person? It really was intriguing.

    "'This is it,' you heart says,"

    you=your?

    I really, really adore the rest of this poem. How you brought in the experience so many of us often have. We find someone that catches our eye, be it their looks or their aura/confidence surrounding them.... but no one musters the courage to take that first step. Later it's easily forgotten, perhaps because it happens so often and is dropped from conversation. More so a private memory.. but passion must be shared. This is really beautiful.

  • 11 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    How interesting of an opening, I'm quite in awe. Clearly most of us are hopeless romantics & wouldn't say they remember meeting someone by their smile, we always think of the more romantic things so I really adore the perspective you put in this poem, it makes it seem less cliché & more realistic even. Definitely loved the word rappel, never quite thought of describing it that way. I feel such a word has so much beauty in it. Made me think of how the lip slightly glides off the others' bottom lip.

    The marathon that could make the heart run for miles on end.
    ^Another incredible line. What an amazing metaphor!

    The scene on the train really seems so real & is exactly what it is like when you see someone you like. I know of that shy stare & looking away before they see you. You portrayed that so well here. I also love how you said 'sunny' afternoon, it's such a little part of the poem but it really emphasizes how lovely of a moment it truly is. I'm guilty of not going towards something I want - I mean aren't we all? There are always those moments you sometimes pass up & then wonder why you didn't just go for it. 'A left over dream, a story for insomniacs' - another absolutely incredible line, it's a memory often you won't forget because you either took the chance & it turned out wonderful or you never went for it and so perhaps you regret not doing so. Such a unique way of stating that the memory really stays with you.

    A very lovely poem from you!

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Yay, congrats on your win!!! So well-deserved!

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    Congrats on the win!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    [Judging comment from week of 7/08/13]:

    Such an artistic piece, it's like looking beyond what we usually think about, the first kiss, first date, first "I love you". The opening was honest I felt, like opening up to the first chapter of a book and being told by the author straight out that this is not your typical love story. It's not the sensual kiss or anything. It's what reality may call not quite special yet it's still searched for with people who want to look deeper. A smile can easily be taken for granted. Yet one smile is powerful and can hold curiosity as well as interest for something more. I enjoyed the idea of the whole two strangers seeing each other on a train! I believe in fate and this meet is definitely deep, it is not just a glance shared, it provokes remembrance and is that little bit of a dream left unfinished and untouched.

    "You have loved more than once,
    and you've been hurt, suffered, probably a couple more times.
    So that smile, that same first smile, if it could speak, would ask
    to be hidden inside the shadow of your rough stained lips."

    - Such a perspective here you bring out.... that in a way the smile prefers to be underrated because someday it forms who we are. Very intriguing, still thinking about these lines!

    Beautiful verse, flowed straight from the soul and I love the way in which you write so your voice has that grace and meaning!

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    Judging comment for weekly contest: July 8, 2013

    What I liked about this poem is the short journey undertaken by the narrator and the analyzation of how the majority talk about the first kiss but not about the first smile that made them fall in "love"/ being attracted for the first time. Is it because the first smile is hard to remember just because they actually didn't had the courage to speak to each other? Or because along the years that smile gets erased by suffering and getting hurt? or because that smile is better to just keep in our memories as a secret that no one but only ourselves should remember? or because that smile is actually less valuable than the first kiss? Or I can go on... but I think those who have actually love once can remember that first smile from their love one and that they talk about it more than the first kiss, because that one smile was what made them fall in love, and that love made them take the courage to speak to each other. However, those who didn't take the courage . . .

    Thought-provoking, I like the vivid images and the awkwardness that I felt from those two strangers and also the romantic scenario. Well done

  • 9 years ago

    by gumshuda

    Oh hh woowww :o
    Oh wow o.O

    Ohhhhhhhhh wooooooowwwwwwwww :D

    This is excellent..beautiful...awesome...fantastic...
    Its perfect :)

  • 7 years ago

    by mossgirl19

    Simply amazing work.