House Long Forgotten

by Daylight Lucidity   Jul 2, 2013


My friends and I gathered one Halloween night,
Itching to do something we all would
Regret in the morning.
Maybe a party? A walk through a graveyard?
Or maybe we would strut into the old Hallaway House
And say hello to the ghosts within.

They agreed with mischievous grins
And we headed to the old, long forgotten house.

I was the first to walk through that old mahogany door,
Opening a passage way that had been sealed
For twenty-five years. The murder of the family still present in the air,
Clinging to the shadows housing spider webs.

As I walked in farther, I turned to tell my friends
To join me in the moonlight;
They weren't there.

As I turned to look and see if they had come in already,
The door slammed shut behind me,
A gust of wind sounding as if a scream
As I heard wooden tiles from above creak.
I crept through the halls
Looking over my shoulder constantly,
Feeling as though someone
Just happened to be watching me.

I felt a hand upon the nape of my neck,
Digging in nails hard enough to draw blood,
I shrieked and I ran
Fast down the stairs, tumbling over the dusty carpet.

The door was locked, I couldn't get out,
The shutters closed tight on the windows,
My heartbeat quickened as I saw their faces creep closer
Their necks crooked and broken, crimson leaking from skulls;

The Hallaways weren't expecting a visitor
In their house long forgotten.

*challenge by JamesTheShadow, having to use the words Shadow and Creep*

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Broken tears

    Cool

  • 11 years ago

    by ThebutterfliesMuse

    Ok again no flaws so heres the breakdown.

    First- again I like set up. I like how its like a movie or reality on halloween. Where people want to be scared. :). I love the last line too where you say lets say hello to the ghosts inside. I like the spooky feel to it.

    Second- I love the use of the word mischevious because it fits perfectly with the poem.

    Third- the imagery is impactful because even with door and the spider webs put it over the top great wording here. And the feel of the house not being used in many years :)

    Fourth- I love the creepy feel of this part because of the disappearing friends. It makes the reader feel like what happened and are the friends really there or ghosts of the house?

    Fifth- this is here the poem gets interesting. The creepy feeling picks up and the disappearing friends enhances that. I love the way you decribe the win as screaming. You decribe all the sounds well. The creaking tiles even though its empty and the door slaming. The paranoid feeling of someone watching you is amazing.well written.

    Six- the feelings come to life!! The way you decribe it is outstanding. Every line leads up to this. I love the thoughts of feeling a hand on the neck and the haunting. In a panicked state you run to no where and are too blinded to see what is in front of you. This is well written.

    Seven/ending- this ending is wonderful and ties the poem up well where the spirits show up. Mad for their disturbance. So they feel the visitor must be punished.

    Your wording and lines flow together perfect. 5

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