Bitterness washed over me. I knew I was beginning to revolt, beginning to cast off the brainwashing of the past 20 years. But I found I was powerless. This decadent act was all I could use to assert my own control, my own sense of superiority, my own opposition. All the beautiful words, all the lofty language had been co-opted by the criticizers. The use of language itself had been monopolized by those with power. Going outside the boundaries set by those who criticized meant that one must be willing to descend into the mire. There was no alternative... Everything in my mind had been put there by them. I could no longer follow the ethics of men... I was becoming a wolf
