When I don't understand

Understanding yourself
is as complicated and troublesome
as not understanding at all.

Why do I feel this way?
Why don't I feel this way?

Questions that probe,
questions that hurt,
questions that manifest.

What is this?
How do I begin to live,
not just survive?

What is this?
How can I seek,
not just linger?

I want to look forward,
I want to be curious,
but how can I
when I don't understand?